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If this article makes you depressed, cheer up it's Valentine's Day... oh wait, that's even more depressing... #canttalkeating
By
Camilla Hercus

9 Aug 2016 - 1:01 PM  UPDATED 2 Sep 2016 - 8:20 AM

 1. You have bad genes. 

 

Will somebody please think of the children!

2. You have bad hair. 

Basics people. 

3. You’re not fit enough. 

What do you mean, you don’t do CrossFit? 

4. You’re too feminine. 

 

Plastic surgery is the only option, obvs.

5. You’ve got a case of the BRF (Bitchy Resting Face). 

 

SMILE SO MUCH IT HURTS!

6. You have a bad smile. 

Quick, it’s not too late for braces!

7. You’re too thin. 

Eat a burger. Or ten. 

8. You’re too fat. 

 

If you don’t have the figure of a Victoria’s Secret model then don’t even bother. 

9. You’re boring. 

 

Tip: you might be more interesting if you randomly started licking people’s faces. 

10. You’re the wrong height. 

 

What do you mean you’re not 183.45 cm tall??

11. You remind people of bodily functions. 

And that’s really not what you want to be thinking about on a dinner date. 

12. You’re too arrogant.

 

You need to be the perfect balance of confident and humble. 

13. You look like an ex-con 

 

Maybe change out of your prison uniform? 

14. You’re too honest.   

 

You need to make candidates believe you’re a shiny, faultless human being. 

15. You’re too loud. 

 

Just don’t speak ever again. 

16. You’re not anyone’s type. 

 

Well, that’s a shame. 

17. You’re too dateable. 

 

We know what you’re thinking... WE’RE ALL DOOMED! Maybe.