Okay???
By
Stephanie Marie Anderson

11 Oct 2016 - 4:49 PM  UPDATED 11 Oct 2016 - 4:49 PM

As the receipts on Donald Trump come rolling in, a new leaked clip reveals the Presidential candidate telling Howard Stern in 2010 that he's never had a gay thought. Ever!

The reality star and Presidential candidate was discussing Tiger Woods' infidelities, and noted that "one thing we’ve learned about Tiger Woods, for definite…he is not gay.”

“Do you agree with that?” he asked Stern.

"He is absolutely not gay," Stern agreed.

But this conversation doesn't stop here. Oh no. 

“I remember you interviewed a guy, one of the greatest interviews of all time, he was saying he only had one or two events with a man, but he wasn’t gay. You said, anybody who had one or two events with a man is gay,” Trump said.

 

Stern - drowning under a sea of internalised heteronormative pressure - stuck by his claim, saying that "absolutely" a few sexual encounters with men automatically meant that a man was gay.

If you're thinking "surely this is the end of this weird article I'm reading about straight bros trying to out-straight each other", sorry, we're not done yet.

Stern then asked Trump how many times he'd had sexual thoughts about other men. (No, I don't know why.)

“Zero… not even a thought,” came Trump's reply.

Stern then declared Trump to be "a real man" (lol ok), but Trump wasn't done declaring his straightness for the whole world. He continued: 

“With all that I’ve had, I’ve never had a thought. There’s never been a big thought process, you know?…During the event there’s never a thought of Jimmy or Ronald or anything, no thoughts.”

And finally, Stern asked Trump if he ever partook in ~boner fights~ at prep school. Trump said no. This brings us to the end of a truly insane story about a man who's running for President who just really, really wants you to know that he's straight. So straight. Totally straight...

...

... okay??? You can listen to the heteronormative pissing contest interview here.