• Robert Sepulveda Jr, the bachelor of 'Finding Prince Charming'. (Instagram)Source: Instagram
"Will there be threesomes? Probably. Will a group of contestants announce mutiny against production and quit in a polyamorous display of sass? Look, its not out of the question," muses Sam Leighton-Dore.
By
Sam Leighton-Dore

15 Jul 2016 - 3:12 PM  UPDATED 15 Jul 2016 - 3:12 PM

It's recently been announced that an all-male, all-gay version of The Bachelor is currently being produced in the United States. 

Hosted by openly gay ex *NSYNC member Lance Bass (a red flag in itself, to be honest), the show is titled Finding Prince Charming, and will see 13 single gay men chasing after the eternal affections of one "eligible gay heartthrob" - reported by TMZ to be mega-babe interior designer Robert Sepulveda Jr.

Now, I would normally be the first person to announce such a revelation as a fist-pumping victory for LGBT+ representation in the mainstream media - particularly when the end result is a gay wedding televised live on Logo TV. But this time feels different. This time it feels like we've been setup to fail.

In fact, not since There's Something About Miriam has a reality show had such spectacular potential for conceptual failure and resounding humiliation for all involved.

Let me explain.

If we've learned anything from watching The Bachelor, UnREAL's fictional counterpart Everlasting, and even parody web series Burning Love, it's that the glamorous cast of hand-picked heterosexual women spend far more time chilling topless together while sipping bottomless mimosas by the mansion swimming pool than they do actually bonding with the dude they supposedly want to spend the rest of their lives with. Not only that, but they're forced to compete against each other for romantic dates and quality one-on-one time.

Of course, this works perfectly well for The Bachelor. Considering all the contestants are under-slept and sensory-deprived single women, their heightened hormones have only one pair of gym-built pecs on which to land - and those gym-built pecs belong to Bachie.

But when you replace all these women with single gay men, there's every possibility that our presumably fabulous gaggle of contestants will be more attracted to each other than the show's chiselled heartthrob. This is where the very selling point of Finding Prince Charming threatens to become its eventual undoing.

With the show's very premise fundamentally undermined, things will start to get a little complicated. I mean, think about it. It's kind of like running a giant speed-dating workshop under the prerequisite that participants only focus their attention on the one eligible singleton.

Not only is it unrealistic, it's a recipe for unmitigated disaster. 

Suddenly producers will be dealing with myriad combinations of potential outcomes and tricky emotional entanglements. Where female contestants were once desperate to win over the one glorious man, there are now a dozen men proudly flaunting fake tans, rock-hard guns and badges reading "DTF". Oh, and they'll most likely be living together with the option of sharing beds and late night deep-and-meaningfuls in the communal hot tub, all while the Gay Bachelor resides by his lonesome in a 5-star hotel room down the street.

Will there be threesomes? Probably. Will a group of contestants announce mutiny against production and quit in a polyamorous display of sass? Look, its not out of the question.

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How quickly would a dog race become absolute havoc if each dog had a beef sausage strapped to their head? There would simply be no reason to race. When it comes to Finding Prince Charming, the one thing you can pretty much guarantee is that sausages will not be in short supply.

At the end of the day, I don't care how easily you could grate a block of cheese on the gay suitor's razor-sharp six-pack. I don't care how many inspirational quotes he uses to caption his unending feed of semi-naked Instagram pics. The fact remains that no single gay man shines bright enough to blind an entire group of attractive, single gay men to the appealing traits of each other.

And that, my friends, will be the fatal flaw to Finding Prince Charming (which, let's be honest, will only ever be referred to as "the gay version of The Bachelor"). Sure, the show presents ample opportunity for Friday night drinking games with the gals, but the very premise wreaks of ill-consideration and emotional ruin.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to tune in.