"I told him, 'I'm your biological son'," James, now 29 and based in Darwin, recalls.
"Then I thanked him.
"It was pretty surreal, those first couple of sentences."
James Kale is one of thousands of children born as a result of Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), also known as artificial insemination, or other reproductive technologies.
The man he knows as dad, Martin Kale, discovered early he was sterile and he and wife Jan adopted their first son, Harry, in the 1980s.
"It was pretty surreal, those first couple of sentences."
They went on to explore fertility treatment options and opted to use a sperm donor and artificial insemination to conceive two more children.
James was five when his parents first attempted to explain his background, but the situation was too much for him to fully comprehend.
"I only remember thinking about it the way they told me which was like a bottle and a straw. I thought I was made in a bottle for probably five years, until I was 10, then I questioned it some more," he says.
Both James and his sister Claire - who was conceived using a separate sperm donor - have since tracked down their biological fathers, with very different results.
Donor drought
Artificial insemination, where sperm is deposited into a woman's uterus, has long been practiced in Australia and around the world.
However, the development of modern reproductive technologies such as In Vitro Fertili zation (IVF) has caused the market for alternative reproductive methods to grow.
But despite an increasing demand for sperm, the rate of sperm donation in Australia is markedly low and many couples are forced to access sperm from countries such as the United States.
New laws were recently introduced in NSW and Victoria requiring all sperm donors to consent to being identified at the request of any offspring later in life.
Melbourne University Law Professor Loane Skene says the number of donors dropped significantly when guarantees of anonymity were first removed but the number has since picked up.
The new laws do not work retrospectively, so children born before they came into force don't have the same right as later-born children to find out who their father was.
"Children born before that date say it's unfair they cannot find out who their father is, and so legislation was proposed to be retrospective as well, but that's been rejected," Professor Skene says.
"I think it raises an interesting contrast of rights because the men who donated earlier, on the basis their donation would be anonymous, say, 'We are entitled to remain anonymous.' But the earlier born children say, 'It's not fair that somebody born later can find out who their father is but we can't'."
"Children born before that date say it's unfair they cannot find out who their father is, and so legislation was proposed to be retrospective as well, but that's been rejected."
People accessing sperm donations are able to find out about the donor's ethnicity, physical attributes and education level, among other things.
As a result, couples are also becoming increasingly selective about sperm-donor candidates, in order to produce children who look like them.
Happy families
When James Kale decided he wanted to track down his biological father, it wasn't just his own emotions he had to consider.
He was worried about causing his parents offence after enjoying a happy childhood and a loving relationship with his dad.
"I made it pretty clear from the beginning that I was interested only out of curiosity. I wasn't abandoning them," he says.
Despite his trepidation, the man he knows as Dad wasn’t concerned at all.
"I was pretty lucky," he says.
"He always told me he would do anything for me. I think he probably reemphasised that more than other dads would."
But he adds that while his parents were supportive – his mother gave James a beer to help him relax before calling his biological father – they have never wanted to meet the man themselves.
An unfamiliar face
The meeting was held at a central city café. James' biological father showed up with his wife, who had been unaware her husband had been a sperm donor.
James said he tried to keep the conversation light "because it was a pretty full-on situation."
"We chatted about our families and what we were interested in; what we were good at," he said.
Incredibly, he and his biological father discovered they shared the same birthday.
Later, when James attended his biological grandmother's birthday, he chatted to some of his cousins and made the connection that one of his ex-girlfriends - who was not at the party - was also related to them.
On the way home he called her and broke the news, much to her horror.
"She was mortified," he laughs.
The road forward
Today, as James prepares for his wedding to partner Lin, he says the relationship with his new family is still tricky to navigate.
He hasn’t invited his biological father to the wedding because he doesn’t want to be disrespectful to his parents.
"In a funny sort of way I am trying to protect them," he says.
But when asked whether he would be comfortable accessing sperm donation in the event he was infertile, the reaction is an immediate yes.
Although, he adds, "I would definitely try the natural way first."
"It's just easier.
"And a bit more fun too."
Note: This article was originally written in 2013. Since then, there have been changes to the law in Victoria that allow all donor-conceived people to apply for non-identifying information about their donors where it is available.
*All names have been changed
