Do everyday activities with Robbie and Keeno commentary running in your head
Carrying too much while shopping and nearly spilling everything: Keeno "Like Baldrick, he's got a cunning plan."
Heading to work determined: Robbie "she's got the bit in her teeth and she likes the taste."
An argument with a loved one: Keeno "They're words, and they're being exchanged."
Thinking about wearing THAT shirt with THOSE pants? Robbie: "Nothing happens when people get offended, don't worry."
Cheer/jeer at non pro cyclists
This works in pretty much every area of life. For example, someone at your office is working really hard to meet a deadline - stand beside their desk with their name on a makeshift banner and cheer "allez allez allez." This will make them feel infinitely less stressed and you too.
Or how about that domineering parent at your kid's school pick up? Boo them.
The skills you've picked up on the #couchpeloton are unbelievably transferrable.
Obsess about doping in other sports
Why should other sports get off so lightly?
Ask yourself "How can I enjoy the marvels of [insert sportsperson's name] epic efforts in [insert pretty much any other sport with its lackadaisical testing practices] so effortlessly but second guess pretty much every rider in the pro peloton? How am I not just entertained like I am when I watch [insert sport]."
However you answer will free you.
Do not go cold turkey on the #toursnacks
Ween yourself off them or you'll crash. HARD. The 'no sugar' Insta militants can wait. This is still YOUR time.
By the end of the week you might be down to just two Tim Tams and one nap a day, but you'll thank us for it.
Don't forget your #tourdogs or #tourcats
This is a hard phase for them too as you go back to your normal routine. They'll miss all the attention at odd hours and time in front of the camera for your #couchpeloton tweets. Be kind to them, and they'll be kind to you and the quicker you're out of your post-Tour funk.
Binge-watch something on SBS On Demand
Epic and obvious cross-promo sure, but have you seen how much Gilead in The Handmaid's Tale resembles the world of pro cycling? Women are treated like objects (as podium hostesses and after thoughts with one day of La Course); most of the riders have given up some personal control and are largely at the mercy of race organisers, fans and doping authorities; and you can't wear what you want.
If you haven't watched any of it yet, well you've missed the first season at SBS On Demand, but still have time to watch the second. If you don’t mind spoilers get a crash course on the first season here then watch season two here. There's also an SBS podcast you can debrief with after each episode of season two.
Depressed at how some of the Aussie riders failed to fire at this year's Tour? Fire up on Aussie drama instead. There's the new SBS drama starring Rachel Griffiths, Dead Lucky. You would've missed the first episode last week while the Tour was on so catch up here:
If you don’t feel like leaving the cycling world too much – go to Belgium, arguably the heartland of cycling with, The Day. (De Dag in Flemish). It's about a bank robbery gone wrong on a cold winter's day told from different perspectives.
Still not ready to emerge yet from the cycling cocoon? Watch full stage replays, highlights, and update shows here.
Still feeling blue - take one of these and a lie down:
- Watch more cycling on SBS Cycling Central - we've got the Vuelta a Espana starting 24 August - a mix of live coverage on SBS Viceland and online right here. Details TBC.
- There's always this compilation of the best #trolldj beats from this year's Tour:
- Or this beautiful wrap created by our super Tour editor, Mark Falahey:
Soon you'll be ready to step outside, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the world out there.