1. Will Randyll Tarly finally recover his ancestral Valyrian steel sword so that he can conquer the French?
2. Will there be another Red Wedding? One that clarifies the intentions of Magnus in Wessex?
3. Haven’t found Jon Snow anywhere in my Vikings history books. Are we sure he’s a Viking?
4. Were huge liberties taken with Viking history to create the plot of this show?
5. Will Daenaerys ascent to the coveted throne before Halfdan and Harald?
6. I have studied Viking history extensively. I would have gotten my PhD in it if it hadn’t been for some terrible personal problems. But I can not for the life of me find any reference to Cersei or Hodor in the hundreds of books I’ve read. Am I crazy or is this stuff made up?
7. Will Arya, who I still can’t find in my copy of Gwyn Jones’s A History of the Vikings, finally confront King Lothbrok?
8. Okay, sorry, I found it. Jon Snow may also be known as Johannes Snö, the great Nordic warrior who… wait. Sorry again. There’s no such person as that. What is happening here?
9. Will Sansa complete her evolution by joining Floki and Bjorn on their overseas adventure?
10. Trying to follow along with the different languages, but a lot of these words do not appear in my copy of Viking Language 1: Learn Old Norse, Runes, and Icelandic Sagas. Have I wasted my education?
11. Between the Night’s King’s mark on Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven’s thing, I’m started to suspect that this show is not actually about Vikings. At the very least, season 7 should be able to resolve this central issue.
12. I have read The Vikings: A History, The Sagas of Icelanders, Heimskringla and The Hammer and the Cross and NOWHERE is there a mention of a Khaleesi. Nowhere. It doesn’t even sound Nordic. I’m sorry, I… I don’t know if I can do this anymore.
13. The Battle of the Bastards appears to reference the infamous Drittsekk Slag, which realigned borders between… wait, no. Sorry. Like a lot of this stuff, I can’t actually find any reference to this battle in Viking history. What is wrong with me?
14. Will Tyrion ever confront Littlefinger about that fishing incident in Kattegat? Honestly I don’t know why I’m even asking. Will anyone be able to answer these crazy questions? I barely understand the words I’m typing. Oh God this is so hard…
15. I mean, why even call this show Vikings?
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Vikings returns with season 5 on Wednesday 6 December at 9:30pm on SBS.
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Bring on the thrones and the games and the dragons and whatever else!