• Bortus grows this fine looking moustache on the latest The Orville. (SBS VICELAND)Source: SBS VICELAND
Not every man could (or should) wear a moustache. But those that can get away with it....
By
Dan Barrett

1 Feb 2019 - 3:54 PM  UPDATED 1 Feb 2019 - 3:54 PM

Throughout the history of television, there have been some super fine-looking moustache's gracing our screens. This week's episode of The Orville introduced a new moustache-wearing man into the pantheon of moustacheod greats.

After being convinced that having a bit of upper-lip action would be a grand idea, beloved Orville character Bortus has stimulated the follicles allowing some magic to happen.

We're not quite sure yet whether his moustache is top 10 material or not, but it is a fine-looking effort. But, who are in the top 10 Greatest of All Time moustache-wearing TV stars? We've been hard at work with this compelling list*.

[*Criteria: It was important while assembling this list that it remain pure to the aesthetic of the moustache. This means that the moustache had to be all upper-lip. So, no beards or goatee's. So, sorry Jamie Hyneman and Yosemite Sam, you can't make the list.]

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10 Baby John Burgess

Would it surprise you to know that this Australian icon and the man whose head supports it was once a professional ten pin bowler? It's true. His bowling average was 213.

09 Gene Shalit

Serving as the film and book critic on the US Today Show, Gene Shalit's moustache is a glorious one of a kind. No one had the guts to wear one like this before him and there's certainly been no one attempting to pull off this look since.

08 Dr Peter Benton

The days of Soul Glo were long behind the dreamy Eric La Salle when he debuted this fine looking moustache on ER in 1994. Hot damn is it smooth.

07 Tobias Funke

It's TV's most versatile moustache - great for a day at the beach or going to a fire... sale.

06 Ugly Dave Gray

"Boom! Boom!" indeed Dave - that is a magnificent soup strainer.

05 Ned Flanders 

Often a man with a moustache is a man with something to hide. But not with this guy. It's a moustache that exudes honesty.

04 Egghead

Vincent Price was not the only Batman villain to rock a moustache, but by jove he was the most eggs-tremely handsome one to do it.

03 Ron Swanson

In his book Paddle Your Own Canoe: One Man's Fundamentals For Delicious Living, actor Nick Offerman explained what sort of man wears a moustache: 

"You’re the kind of guy who will come barreling up doing a power slide in your pickup truck and then give a girl a wink. You know your knots. You know what to do with beef tallow."

02 Gomez Addams

Distinct. Classic. Understated.

01 Thomas Magnum 

Tom Selleck is the gold standard when it comes to moustachioed men. Selleck and his moustache first came to prominence in 80s action show Magnum PI and it has left a moustache-shaped impression on us all.

Celebrate the moustache with us this week by checking out Bortus' lip tickler on The Orville, airing Friday night at 9pm and streaming Anytime at SBS On Demand: