Kids hate it when parents fight. We are their world, and when we fight, their world feels scary. Kids who witness angry, scorched-earth battles between their parents are at a higher risk of aggression and delinquency, not to mention anxiety and depression.
But not all fighting is created equal, and some kinds of disagreement might actually help kids become better thinkers.
Marital conflict research—it’s a thing—considers two types of conflict: constructive and destructive. Not surprisingly, it favours the former and discourages the latter. Researchers say it’s not the amount or intensity of fighting that matters, but how parents fight. Kids need to feel protected—it’s called “emotional security theory”—so if the fighting makes them feel less safe, it’s bad. But if conflict doesn’t threaten their emotional safety, it might be good.
