Is there such a thing as love at first sight? What about falling in love after receiving a letter from a man you have never met?
For Sydney grandmothers Mara Finka, 87, and Marija Raljević, 80, the answer is an uneqivocal ‘yes’. They know both are possible, because they have lived them.
Their stories also reveal a lesser known aspect of love and marriage among Australia’s Croatian migrants who migrated in the decades following World War II.
Mara Finka and Marija Raljevic in Sydney, February 2019 Source: Supplied
Many of the Croatian men who arrived in Australia in search of a new life turned to the old country in search of a bride. They had left communist Yugoslavia (of which Croatia was a part) but they maintained cultural and personal connections to their homeland.
Relatives and friends back home frequently acted as matchmakers and it was not unusual for marriages to be agreed upon and arranged through letters.
These spouses often only met in person after being married by proxy, which would involve another person representing the absent husband-to-be in a marriage ceremony. In many cases, this was the only way for a bride to make it to Australia in that era, as only spouses were given permission to migrate, not fiancées.
Marija's story
Marija Raljević was married by proxy, but her husband was already well known to her by that point.
As a 16-year old young woman from the small Croatian island of Iž she was introduced to 23‑year old Kruno Raljević by her aunt. It was love at first sight.
“It was on St. Anthony’s Day that we met in the small fishing town of Sali, in the fields,” remembers Marija. “And we started dating right away.”
As it was unseemly for young Catholic girls to date for too long without marrying, Kruno proposed to Marija within weeks to demonstrate that he was a committed and serious young man. While this made Marija happy, her mother disagreed because in her eyes Marija was too young for marriage. As such, and even though she was in love with Kruno, Marija broke off the engagement.
A heartbroken Kruno fled to Italy, leaving behind Yugoslavia’s communist regime. He spent two years in an Italian refugee camp, and began writing to Marija. The pair continued exchanging letters, even until Kruno finally settled in Australia.
Several years later, the question of marriage came up once more. Not long after that, a form seeking permission to carry out marriage-by-proxy was exchanged and signed, so Marija could marry him from her home island on the other side of the world.
Listen to the full interviews with Mara Finka and Marija Raljević in Croatian
Ljubav na prvi pogled i zauvijek
Kruno could not return for the ceremony in Croatia, as he was then considered to be an enemy of the state by Yugoslav authorities and would have been arrested on arrival.
Marija and Kruno, represented by his brother Josip, were married on October 1, 1959. The wedding took place at the local council, since religious marriages were not recognised in the then-communist nation. Marija says it felt strange but at least she knew she was in love with the man behind the proxy.
“It was funny, of course,” she says. “My husband in Australia and myself still on my island.”
It took a year for Marija to get her Yugoslav passport and Australian visa. She left Iž in November of 1960 and started the long journey to be reunited with Kruno, her new husband and a man she had not seen for five years, but whose letters still made him feel close.
Marija was inconsolable as she boarded the train to travel from Zagreb to Genoa, Italy. At 22 years of age she was leaving everything she knew and was set to face the unknown – life in Australia. It was then and there that she met Mara Finka.
Enter Mara
“I had just stepped onto the train, and she was right behind me,” says Mara. “We didn’t know each other at the time. And she was crying. Her mother and her brother-in-law then asked me if I could stay with her during the whole trip.”
The 29-year-old Mara from was from Korčula, another Croatian island, and coincidentally happened to be traveling to Australia to be with her aunt and uncle in Perth.
The two young women were inseparable during their 22-day long journey to Perth. They kept each other company and each served as a shoulder to cry on in moments of sadness.
Mara and Marija arrived in Perth on December 12, 1960 and it was then that Mara’s uncle took a photo of them - a photo that would help shape Mara’s entire future in Australia.
While Mara stayed in Perth with her family, Marija continued her journey to Queensland to meet her husband Kruno, who was working on a sugarcane plantation.
Mara Finka (L) and Marija Raljevic (R) upon arrival in Australia, Perth, December 1960 Source: Supplied
“I arrived by train in Brisbane and I found my husband there,” says Marija. “We hugged each other as though we had never been apart.”
In Queensland, Marija was taking care of five working men: her husband, and his relatives and friends, one of whom was a young man named Tomislav Finka.
A letter arrived from Mara in Perth, containing the fateful photo that Mara’s uncle had taken. Marija showed it to her husband and his mate Tomislav, who fell in love instantly
The Raljevics with their friend Tomislav Finka in Queensland, 1961 Source: Supplied
He told them that this was a photo of his future wife. Mara had no clue about Tomislav until the day she received a rather thick envelope from Queensland.
It was a package from Tomislav.
He told Mara about himself and his family, enclosing several photographs and explaining that he was looking for a wife to settle down with. Of course, he said he hoped she would write back.
She did.
Letters flew between Queensland and Western Australia for almost a year and one of them was finally accompanied by a ring. Mara and Tomislav were engaged to be married even though they had never met in person.
The first photos Tomislav and Marija exchanged in letters between Perth and Queensland Source: Supplied
Their first meeting and first kiss took place at Sydney's Central Station where Mara arrived after a three-day train journey from Perth. There were four people waiting for her – her dear friend Marija, her husband, Mara’s brother-in-law and a man holding a bunch of flowers in his hands. She remembers the encounter vividly.
“When I got off the train, I first approached and kissed Marija, then her husband, whom I had just met, and then my sister’s husband. Then I turned to the man who was holding a bunch of flowers and said, ‘You must be Tomislav,’ and I kissed him as well.”
Within three weeks of her arrival in Sydney, Mara and Tomislav married at a Leichhardt church alongside Marija and Kruno, who also decided to marry again – this time in front of a priest and on the same continent. 
The couples went on to grow their own families, with Marija and Kruno raising three daughters and five grandchildren and Mara and Tomislav bringing up two sons and five grandchildren.
Joint wedding in Sydney Source: Supplied
Both couples would have celebrated their 57th wedding anniversary on February 2 this year, but the men were absent.
Mara and Marija have been widows for more than 15 years. They believe that husbands early deaths were due to years of hard work and the stress they had endured as young migrants providing for their families.
When asked if they regret coming to Australia and marrying their husbands in such unusual circumstances, the pair offer almost identical answers.
“Never,” says Marija. “Kruno was a perfect man. He was unique and everybody loved him.”
“I never even thought of leaving him, no.” says Mara of Tomislav. “He is still in my heart and this is how it’s going to be as long as I live.”
Next year will mark 60 years since Marija and Mara met at the train station in Zagreb, on the first leg of their long journey to Australia. While their husbands have passed, their intertwined love stories endure, as does the companionship of these two lifelong friends.
Listen to the full interviews with Mara Finka and Marija Raljević in Croatian
Ljubav na prvi pogled i zauvijek
