Should toddlers be given household chores? Should they no longer be babied?
Kat May thinks so.
Ms May was brought up by a Filipino mum with very Filipino values. She was sheltered, very much taken cared of and, was a 19-year old new migrant in New Zealand who barely knew her way around a frying pan.
"When I was growing up in the Philippines, my mum and grandmother did everything for me. It was a luxury. So when we moved to [New Zealand], I had a hard time adjusting. I was used to someone else doing everything for me," she shares.
Fast-forward to 13 years later, Ms May is a married mum of one who is also working as a full-time team leader in a Sydney-based insurance company. She now cooks, cleans, does the laundry and has taught her young daughter to do the same from the age of 3.
At age 3, her daughter Sophie learned how to make toast, microwave her own food, sort her dirty clothes and put them in the washer.
While Ms May believed that she was helping her child get ready for the world, she would oftentimes hear comments from her mum and aunt about how she was risking her child's safety.
"My mum would say that Sophie might burn herself or that she might fall from the stool she uses for the washer. But I just say that I don't want my child to grow up not knowing how to do these things," Ms May says.
Aside from these things, now 7-year old Sophie learned at 1 or 2 years old how to throw her dirty nappy in the bin. Ms May also lets Sophie decide what to wear by typically giving her two options to choose from, doesn't cuddle her when she falls down, and lets her prepare her own breakfast by turning it into a bonding activity between the two of them.
According to Ms May, "If children get used to you doing things for them, they will be reliant on you. They will always look to you for validation. Like if her dad tells her not to do something risky, but she wants to, she will say, 'It's okay, dad. If I fall, it will be my fault. If I make a mess, I'll pick it up.'"
Kat and Todd May believe that Sophie is more confident when it comes to making decisions because of how she was raised. Source: Kat May
She shares that parents have to accept the fact that their children are not going to stay babies forever. She believes that children should be able to fend for themselves early, especially when their parents aren't around, adding, "Like for me, I work full-time and sometimes I have to travel for weeks. If I always did things for her, I will always worry what will happen to her if I'm not around."
Ms May shares that her parenting style might not sit well with some Filipino parents. This doesn't bother her though.
"There's nothing wrong with teaching your children to do their own thing. It doesn’t make you a bad mum. Our jobs as mums is to teach them to be ready for the big world," she shares.
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