“They know a lot – magaling sila. Marami nga silang alam compared to the adults,” Ms Versoza quips when asked regarding the modern child.
However, she also shares her confusion when it comes to children today. In as much as modern children seem to have more knowledge about the world they live in, their emotional maturity and adeptness to being “more adult” seem stunted.
Psychologist Jane Versoza shares that it might be your fault that your child is growing up too quickly. Source: Jane Versoza
“Do they really grow fast, or [do] they never get a chance to grow up at all?”
Ms Versoza refers to this forced maturity as 'hinog sa pilit,' wherein children aren’t ready yet for the issues and stressors they now face but are forced to due to the prompting of their parents and the prevalence of social media.
Role of parents
Parents can expect too much from their children, and may treat them like 'mini-adults'. In turn, children can compromise their childhood in order to achieve whatever goals their parents have set out for them.
When parents push too hard, pressured children can become anxious. This anxiety can then lead to depression or a sense of rejection from parents who do not feel that they are doing enough.
On the other hand, some children take on this pressure as a challenge, and become overly competitive adults who focus on winning above everything else. Ms Versoza notes that some of the values that are supposed to be learned during childhood are lost, such as sharing, cooperation, coexisting and respect.
Are you pushing your child too hard and too soon? Source: Getty Images
Ms Versoza shares that high expectations are all too familiar in Filipino families.
“As Filipinos, we need that positive regard from our family. When the pressure from parents or carers is strong, children become increasingly anxious.”
Role of social media
Modern children have to contend with the realities and consequences of social media.
Ms Versoza shares that expectations no longer just reside within the family and immediate environment. According to her, children are conforming more and more to what they find online. The images they find online become a “perceived need”, encouraging them to lose themselves in order to mould their identity with whatever social media deems they should be.
She shares that their young minds cannot yet process their own sense of uniqueness. Their standards regarding who they should be are based on what they see online. This pushes children to conform to ideals that are not age-appropriate, such as dressing provocatively or wearing too much makeup.
“We have a term now - tweens. They're still children, but they act like teenagers,” she shares.
Solution
Ms Versoza says that children today are conflicted because whey they act like children, they are told to grow up; however, when they act mature, they are told that they are still too young to do so.
When it comes to finding a solution, or at least a compromise, she shares that it is about parents checking themselves. It is about evaluating what they are doing right and what they are doing wrong when it comes to raising their children.
“Our expectation from our children - is it our needs as parents or is it actually the needs of our children?”
Ultimately, parenthood is about quality time with children. It's about getting to know them, protecting them from whatever is deemed harmful, and being fully present in their lives.
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