When we talk about domestic violence or family violence, we may automatically assume that it is only involved physical abuse but no, Michael Riley, a senior counselor at Relationships Australia, tells The Feed that "family violence plays out across a spectrum of abuse – and early detection of ‘control issues’ can save lives."
When you are checking the family violence behaviors checklist below, try to ask yourself if you have done one or any of them to anyone?
- Slapping/grabbing/punching.
- Smashing/throwing things.
- Punching the wall/pounding the table.
- Using looks, actions and gestures to make her feel afraid.
- Destroying her property.
- Hurting pets.
- Displaying weapons.
- Trying to make her feel guilty about not having sex.
- Having sex when she is asleep or passed out from intoxication.
- Demanding sex.
- Threatening to commit suicide.
- Making her drop Police charges.
- Making her do illegal things.
- Putting her down.
- Monitoring her mobile phone.
- Criticizing her body shape.
- Making her think she’s crazy.
- Giving her an allowance.
Marty Smiley who made the #YesAllMen documentary also asked if "Is toxic masculinity killing Aussie men?''
- Making her feel guilty.
- Controlling who she sees.
- Controlling what she reads.
- Controlling where she goes.
- Not letting her get a drivers licence or have access to a car.
- Using jealousy to justify your actions.
- Making light of your abuse – not taking her concerns seriously.
- Blaming her for the abuse.
- Blaming drugs or alcohol for the abuse.
- Preventing her from getting or keeping job.
- Making her ask for money.
- Not letting her know about or have access to family income.
- Expecting her to buy all the food and pay the bills on inadequate amounts of money.
- Using the children to relay messages.
- Threatening to report her to DOCS.
- Stalking or trolling her over social media.
- Tracking her movements using a mobile phone app.
Do you think your behaviors has caused problems in your relationship?
The above list of behaviors is a sample from a longer checklist that participants are asked to fill out. The checklist is not a test to gain access to the Men's Behavior Change program with Relationship Australia; it’s a way for participants to think about how their behavior is linked to family breakdown.
If you’re concerned about the number of boxes you’ve ticked and would like some support, please visit Relationships Australia or call 1300 364 277.
If you or a friend might be at risk of family violence, please visit 1800respect.org.au or call 1800 737 732.
Further information:
2. check out the feeds story about if masculinity making men end up in trouble https://www.facebook.com/thefeedsbsviceland/videos/yesallmen-how-can-we-reframe-masculinity/1958834157472413/
3. Check out this short video that Hmong American campaign against domestic violence https://www.youtube.com/watchv=sXl1Cx2KJZk&fbclid=IwAR1uAYnC2sGciy7bHUrsp_n9isw2E6sxeZaLLX_RNj_vziZM-cri6L__R5w
4. "I won't raise my daughter to please" https://www.sbs.com.au/news/the-feed/opinion-why-i-won-t-raise-my-daughters-to-please
