When two different families come together as one, the transition is not always easy. But these expert tips can help iron out the challenges.
Every family has inherent tensions but what happens when your parents split up and re-partner and your family now includes a stepparent and their kids?
Just over a quarter of a million Australian kids now live in stepfamilies, but combining children from different parents into one big family can be full of surprises and challenges.
Insight meets a stepfamily of 7 kids ranging in age from 12 to 18 who call themselves ‘The Brady Bunch plus One’.
“There are more kids to play with and more things to do” they tell Jenny Brockie. But there have been tensions, particularly over their stepdad’s discipline and rules. “I used to laugh at him and tell him you’re not my stepdad,” says Josh, 18, who eventually left home to live with his biological dad when the fights got bad.
Children grieving over a divorce or separation, often resent the arrival of a new adult with a child or two. “I was shocked. I didn’t want it to happen, “says Kye, 16, when his mum started going out with his future stepdad 10 years ago. “For years I wanted mum and dad to get back together.”
But his sister Aubaney, 15, welcomed a new father figure. “I really liked it because I didn't have a close relationship with my dad”. She also gained a stepsister and playmate, Jahara, who, in turn, admits to feeling ‘jealous’ as a 5 year old having to share her dad with another girl.
Research shows it takes two to seven years for relationships to start working in stepfamilies.
Griffin, 13, lives with his mum and a “very strict” stepmum who arrived in his life 5 years ago. “I absolutely despised her at the start. I was like, 'come on, back off' … but without Kirsten I wouldn’t be where I am today.”
Adam, 16, lives with his dad and Brazilian stepmum who brought a much younger little stepbrother into the family, as well as “culture, music and better food”. Adam’s also recently welcomed the arrival of a new baby half-brother which has changed the family dynamic again.
We also meet only child Ty, 17, who calls his stepparents ‘mum and dad’. His four parents have different cultural backgrounds: South African, Filipina, Indonesian and Chinese-Fijian, and a WhatsApp group to keep tabs on his movements. “I can’t hide anything,” he tells Jenny. “But it’s such a good environment that when you ask about what’s bad about being a stepkid I don’t have an answer for it.”
This week on Insight, stepkids tell us what life’s really like inside their families.
