I'm a Footballer... Get Me Out of Here!

Imagine a reality program where contestants were placed in a remote land, sometimes not of their choosing, and forced to endure extreme climates, intense pressure, the threat of serious injury and, in some cases, not speaking the language. In the case of football, the truth is stranger than fiction, or at least b-grade television, and it doesn't always go to plan, as these awkward photos attest.

David Villa, Melbourne City

 

Shortly after news broke that New York City FC's star recruit, David Villa, would be embarking on a loan stint at Melbourne City, the Spanish superstar recorded an interview in which he spoke of his delight at playing in the A-League.

Villa's apparent joy at swapping the Primera Liga in Spain for the A-League is barely contained in this screen grab of that red letter interview.

Villa, it was announced, would be available to play up to 10 games for City.

But, as fans of fair play, and morality in general, would later find out with Frank Lampard, the devil was in the detail, or lack thereof.

Quicker than you could say 'How did we ever sign Michael Mifsud?', Villa was back in New York and posting selfies at the City's iconic landmarks on Twitter.

Shane Smeltz, Shandong Luneng

 

Long before Tim Cahill chose to sign for a Chinese club in what he said were the best interests of the country for which he is a self-described football ambassador, Shane Smeltz moved there. Specifically Shandong Luneng. 

Our man would soon find out the Eastern Province industrial town was a long, long way from the Gold Coast. Just look how happy he was to be at the supposed coalface of football's Asian revolution.

Smeltz lasted barely 24 hours in Quingdao before yelling out 'I'm a footballer, get me out of here!' and doing a runner back to the A-League.

Aaron Lennon, Everton

 

It was the suite of 'player unveiling' portraits that threatened to break the Internet, as Everton's January transfer window deadline day loan signing, Aaron Lennon, was paraded in the colours looking anything but pleased to be there. 

You'd think the fleet-footed attacker had just been told he's being on-loaned to Everton's new sister club Central Coast Mariners, the way he struggles to raise even a look of bemusement.

Here, the football boots on the bench to the left and right of Aaron Lennon are showing more excitement than our man.

Lennon's, erm, unbridled joy, flowed to the jersey presentation

And any fans' lingering concerns the 27 year old wasn't stoked to be on Merseyside were swiftly quelled when he adorned the royal blue for a pitch shot.

We're sure Lennon, more than anyone, could appreciate our sarcasm, if his expression in these pictures is a guide. But at least his new manager, Roberto Martinez, joined the Internet in seeing the funny side, joking that the club wouldn't use that photographer again. 

Emmanuel Frimpong, Barnsley FC

 

It's a tick over a year since one-time Arsenal lunatic Emmanuel Frimpong joined Barnsley FC, the highlight of which is still this unveiling photo.

Actually no. The highlight is this follow-up post on Instagram from Frimpong himself, as he grasped the magnitude of his move from the Emirates to Oakwell.

Luis Suarez, with Liverpool Down Under

 

Ninety five thousand other people seemed happy to be at the MCG to watch Liverpool play Melbourne Victory before the 2013-2014 season. 

Then there was Luis Suarez, who moped around the field like someone who knows there is 12-week ban for biting in his not-too-distant-future.

Guardian scribe Paul Connolly summed it up aptly: "To the untrained eye he looked as lugubrious as Graham Gooch on a long, bat-dragging walk back to the pavilion after a golden duck."

When Suarez was eventually hauled off the bench to rapturous applause, he nabbed an assist in the 2-0 win, not that it did anything to lift his mood.

Shaquile Coulthirst, Southend United

 

Teenager lives the dream by signing a deal at Tottenham Hotspur, then gets loaned out to Southend United. Poor Shaquile Coulthirst. Cool name though.

Lukas Podolski, Arsenal

 

And so began for the Germany striker an unhappy, injury-plagued three-year stint at the Emirates that mercifully, ended this January with a loan deal to Inter Milan. 

We reckon the writing was on the Twitter photo wall as not even memories of the 'fatherland' could entice Podolski to crack the faintest smile.

Filippo Boniperti, Parma

 

Like many young Italian players, Boniperti signed for one of the country's big clubs in 2010 - in this case, Juventus - then spent the next three years on loan, before being sold to Parma.

Given one match with the 'Old Lady' first team to prove his wares, one could be forgiven for thinking Boniperti was less-than-impressed.

Turns out he WAS less than impressed! 

Nicolas Anelka, West Bromwich Albion

 

The lengthy 'Looooool' at the begining of Youssouf Mulumbu's tweet to new team-mate Nicolas Anelka says it all. Well, it would say it all if Anelka's expression didn't reveal a bit more. 

We love the way the fiery French striker holds the jersey away from him and with the tips of his fingers, like it's covered in images of Raymond Domenech.

Anelka's miserable time at the Hawthorns ended after 12 matches and with a five-match ban for making what was adjudged to be a racist salute to celebrate a goal.

Real Madrid's Uruguayan duo

 

How do you make one gloomy Uruguayan feel better about his predicament? Sign two of them. 

Not even the thought of playing for one of the world's greatest clubs could cheer up 2005 Real Madrid recruits Pablo Garcia and Carlos Diogo, neither of whom lasted a full season's worth of matches before being farmed out on loan.

Robert Huth, Leicester City

 

Huth has had more clubs than Tiger Woods, so you'd think mustering up the fortitude to smile for an unveiling would be second nature to the German defender. 

Apparently not. Well, not when you're holding a Leicester shirt, at least.

Shinji Kagawa, Manchester United

 

Poor Shinji Kagawa. If only he knew that he'd soon be warming the United bench under David Moyes before returning to Borussia Dortmund just in time for a good old-fashioned relegation battle, he may have looked a bit more enthusiastic at his Red Devils unveiling in 2012. It was about as good as it got for Kagawa's club career.

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