My earliest memory of having a stutter was when I was five years old. I remembered struggling to say different words. Sometimes I would be stuck on a word for 30 seconds. My parents would tell me to slow down but I remembered trying so hard to get the words out. They thought I would grow out of it but my stutter persisted so they eventually took me to see a speech therapist in India.
I saw the speech therapist for a few sessions and they gave me some exercises to do at home. The sessions were effective for a little while but going to the therapist was expensive so eventually we stopped going. Instead my parents would tell me to slow down and think before I spoke. Unfortunately their advice didn’t help my stutter.
At school I faced a bit of bullying. Some of the kids would laugh at me. They would mimic my stutter and everyone would find it funny. I wanted to say something but instead I mostly retreated into myself. Once I took part in a singing group at school but I was thrown out when they come to know of my stutter. I felt being quiet would be easier than speaking out because I would not be able to get the words out and it would give the bullies more ammunition to make fun of me.
At school I faced a bit of bullying. Some of the kids would laugh at me. They would mimic my stutter and everyone would find it funny.
My parents didn’t want to talk about my stutter. They reacted by acting like there wasn’t a problem and hoping it would somehow go away. I became more of an introvert. I used to feel shy and couldn’t look other people in the eyes when I spoke to them. My relatives too did not talk about my stutter or help me find a solution. I felt that especially in India people didn’t have patience with me. They would get frustrated when I tried to speak and would talk over me.
I was lucky though, that I had some close friends who remained by my side and they treated me like everyone else. They tried to defend me against those who made fun of me and they would remind other people to be patient with me when I was trying to speak.
Eventually my parents decided that I should have an arranged marriage, as is the norm in India. But whenever any of the prospective matches found out I had a stutter they made their excuses and said I wasn’t right for their daughter. Mostly they thought there was something wrong with me just because I had a stutter. But then we came across Seema.
We went to her house so we could meet. For some reason I didn’t have a stutter when I spoke to her. My words came out easily. Afterwards I contacted her and said I wanted to see her again. At our next meeting I told her the truth. I wanted her to know right from the beginning that I had a stutter and if she saw that as a problem I would understand if she didn’t want to marry me. But I’m so happy to say that she didn’t mind. She said she would be by my side and help me find a way to manage my stutter. This is how she became my wife and marrying her changed my life.
I have always wanted to study abroad but many people told me that because of my stutter I wouldn’t be able to.
I have always wanted to study abroad but many people told me that because of my stutter I wouldn’t be able to. But I was determined. I got more therapy but it still didn’t help me when I had to pass the English speaking exam that would enable me to get my visa. Unfortunately I passed everything but the speaking exam.
Seema however wanted to help me achieve my dreams. She did not let me give up. Eventually through her help and with some more speech therapy sessions I passed my English speaking exam and got a visa to come study in Australia.
I like living in Australia. The people are more patient and supportive here than in India. Though after we moved here it was very hard. I found it almost impossible to get a job. At one of the interviews I went to, the interviewer stopped me before the interview even began because I had a stutter. She told me straight out that I wouldn’t be able to do the job with a stutter.
Those were tough days – when I couldn’t find a job and neither could my wife. But eventually my wife got a job and I got a scholarship to do my PhD. We had our daughters - one who will be turning six soon, and another who is only a few weeks old.
My six year-old initially found it hard to understand why I had a stutter. She would say, “you are over 30 years old but you can’t speak well.” But she is becoming more understanding as she gets older. Now when we are out she supports me and reminds me that I can speak well.
Ankur with her husband and daughter. Source: Supplied
What has helped me the most with my stutter have been my sessions in the McGuire programme. Seema was the one who made me get into the programme in the first place. After she got a job she saved her money so she could buy me a ticket to Melbourne and a place on a four day workshop with the McGuire programme. At first I wasn’t convinced about going but I’m so glad I did. I saw a difference in my speech immediately.
Covid has meant that I’m not practicing speaking with my McGuire support group as much. We are trying Zoom sessions but I am not doing them that often. I’m hoping to soon go back to my sessions. In the meantime I’m so happy I have Seema and my daughters by my side. They help me see through any difficult times and with them beside me, my stutter doesn’t seem as big as a problem as it was when I was alone.
Stutter School (Produced by Southern Pictures) airs on Tuesday, 5 January, 8.30pm on SBS and Sunday, 10 January, 10.10pm on SBS VICELAND
This Summer, SBS takes you on a journey into some of Australia’s many unique communities through three incredibly powerful and uplifting documentaries in the brand-new season of Untold Australia.
Untold Australia S5 will also be available on SBS On Demand, with subtitles in Simplified Chinese, Arabic, Vietnamese, Korean and Hindi.
