Seon Kim knows that the tell-tale ache of loneliness can seize you when you least expect. When Kim, who’s originally from Korea, moved to Australia to study in 2005, the business of setting up a life in a new country helped dissolve any feelings of isolation. Until emotional crisis hit.
“I was studying at college and meeting people from different countries — I didn’t really suffer from homesickness because I had a lot of friends,” Kim, who now works as a welfare co-ordinator for international students at the University of Western Sydney, tells SBS.
“But when things started going wrong in my personal life, that’s when I started really missing my support network back in Korea. Of course, I valued the friendships that I had made in Australia. But they were also so different.”
According to an ABC report that cites February 2018 statistics from the Department of Education, international students comprise as much as a quarter of the population of major Australian universities — a figure that’s steadily growing. But when it comes to navigating the sense of pain and longing that are often a by-product of higher education in a new country, Kim is far from alone.
A June 2018 study by The Netherlands-based Erasmus Student Network found that two out of three international students regularly experienced loneliness while an April 2017 report from Headspace found that 70 percent of Australian university students were regularly depressed and anxious. For international students, who must negotiate the cultural algebra of daily life in Australia alongside academic pressures, this can be compounded by feelings of dislocation.
For Jasmeet Sahi, who relocated to Melbourne to study following a Masters in India six years ago, loneliness wasn’t limited to an absence of friends and family. It also manifested in negotiating what Olivia Laing calls the “ballgame of language” in her 2016 book The Lonely City. Sahi also struggled with the message — silently communicated by Australian structures and institutions — that quashing difference is always the easiest way to make yourself understood.
“I had to relearn how to socialise, how to buy milk and eggs,” she recalls. “My first few months, I was confused because I didn’t know how the country runs. In India, we don’t call our teachers by their first name, we call them Sir or Madam. But I was once told, ‘don’t call me Madam, I am not a madam of a brothel’, which wasn’t sensitive to my background or how I was educated. Isolation strikes because people literally don’t understand you. There is no narrative that says if ‘you speak English with an accent, you can speak another language and that’s wonderful’.”
Kim initially encountered barriers when establishing new friendships. But she says that although moving out of her comfort zone and reaching out to people was challenging, it eventually payed off.
“My Australian friends are very supportive but there’s a difference in personal space compared to Korea where friends aren’t so distant,” she says. “To make friends here, you need to meet people a few times, catch up for coffee and it evolves. It’s hard but it’s so important. International students often focus on accommodation and studying but they neglect social needs. When culture shock hits them, that’s when they need the support the most.”
Sahi’s life in Australia started shifting when she started embarking on internships and volunteering at organisations. “I took initiative, volunteered like nuts at arts organisations but it does take someone to notice and give you a chance” she says.
It’s an approach that also worked for Christopher Christodoulou, a South African student who was racked with loneliness when he started studying nursing in Sydney. “For me, overcoming it meant getting involved in a church community,” he says. “When you’re on your own, it’s easy to become wrapped up in yourself.”
Kim says that seeing a psychologist gave her the emotional resources to put down roots in Australia. But she also points out that counselling is still stigmatised in many cultures. She’s doing her best to steer the students that come to her to seek professional help.
“The best decision that I made was seeking help from a psychologist, to come up with strategies together,” she explains. “I encourage students to find ways to talk about emotional stress. Once you have a sense of belonging, things start to go well. When I tell international students that I’ve gone through the same thing, they are more likely to listen.”
