The standard you walk past is the standard you accept – it’s a commonly shared philosophy about looking the other way when confronted with an incident of abuse being played out before your eyes. As it goes, by choosing to do nothing to help a stranger being victimised in public, to some degree, we might be condoning the act by omission.
But how many of us are actually able and willing to intervene when we see someone being treated badly?
Whether it’s physical or verbal abuse in public, domestic violence, bullying at school or in the workplace, or online abuse – our roles as witnesses are critical in helping others in our communities.
The role of the bystander
It’s easy to think, when we see or hear of an incident, that it’s none of our business.
To the contrary, research has shown that bystander action can play a big role in preventing violence.
Yet, we hold many fears around taking such action. There’s a fear of getting hurt ourselves, a worry that we won’t do the right thing, and concerns about setting ourselves up as targets for retribution.
There’s a fear of getting hurt ourselves, a worry that we won’t do the right thing, and concerns about setting ourselves up as targets for retribution.
The Australian Human Rights Commission estimates that onlookers are present in 85 per cent of bullying (including cyberbullying) interactions in schools. Of those, up to 30 per cent of kids simply try not to get involved; less than 20 per cent will actively try to help the person being bullied.
Social behaviour expert Pedro Diaz says our fears are logical: “It’s a safety issue first and foremost,” says Diaz. “We want to make a stand against bullying, but we don’t want to get to the point where we’re getting hurt as well.”
There’s a social responsibility to help others you see suffering, but it’s important to assess the situation before stepping in blindly. “There’s always something you can do – but ask yourself which are the safe actions to take.”
How to be an active witness: prevention and action
Following Sydney’s Martin Place siege in 2014, the hashtag #illridewithyou took off in a social media storm of support. The positive action campaign aimed to make Muslim Australians feel supported in public places such as public transport, against a backdrop of online backlash.
Last year, author Kerri Sackville promoted #EndViolenceAgainstWomen to show support for feminists being abused online. In the campaign, Sackville and many others named and shamed more than 150 online ‘trolls’.
Earlier this year, the hashtag #DearSister helped Muslim women to share their stories of the prejudiced comments they’ve received.
These are strong examples of how much power we all have in helping others who are being physically or verbally abused.
Help can come in many forms, from online support to holding someone’s hand through an ordeal through to calling emergency services, as needed.
There are many initiatives like this for children, too. In the school-based anti-bullying campaign, You Can Sit With Me (#youcansitwithme), children are encouraged to wear a bright yellow wristband to highlight themselves as someone who’s willing to help.
“It’s a simple message that can change lives,” says founder Sophie Whitehouse. “It strengthens communities with five simple, lovely words that really change a child’s life.”
As for when you’re faced with the immediacy of an emergency abusive incident, Diaz says we have three options:
- intervene, but only if it’s safe to do so (safety-first is stressed),
- call for help from the police or others around the incident, or
- if it is safe to do so, interrupt a verbal incident with seeming innocence (“excuse me, do you have a minute, it’s very urgent?”), distracting the perpetrator and buying time for further intervention. But again, safety must come first.
The key is to not be led by overzealous empathy and therefore putting yourself or the abused person in further danger. Nor should you be driven by your ego or desire to be a hero, or anger. Instead, let your brain kick in to find the most logical resolution possible.
But, says Diaz, not one of those options is to do nothing. Help can come in many forms, from online support to holding someone’s hand through an ordeal through to calling emergency services, as needed.
If this article has raised an issue that you want to talk about, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
