It'd be easy and obvious to say Bratz is the dumbest movie of 2007: but I'm not going to let that stop me, Bratz is the dumbest movie of 2007. All that saves it from being a total disaster is that you go into this with such horrific expectations.
That's because it's a film based on the little plastic tarts known as Bratz dolls who look like junior Pussycat Dolls.
As the American Psychological Association said in its task force on the Sexualisation of Girls earlier this year, “It is worrisome when dolls designed specifically for 4 to 8 year olds are associated with objectified adult sexuality.”
It's some relief, then, that the sluttier aspects of Bratz are played down in this live-action movie.
Our heroines are four teenage fashionistas – Sasha, Jade, Chloe and Yasmin – who're distressed to find that their high school is ruled by a rich bitch who has divided all the students up into clichéd cliques.
For two years, our gals forget their promise to be BFFs – that's best friends forever – until a food fight reminds them of their sisterhood.
Shopping montages, a lavish sweet 16 party and a talent show ensue as the dunderheaded filmmakers pillage every tired idea in the teen movie playbook.
The acting from the young leads is pretty dreadful, especially when they're called on to mouth entirely token sentiments about individuality and girl power.
Bratz' real message is that every little girl should, above all else, be thin, spunky, have an abiding “passion for fashion” and aspire to perform a song on the red carpet of an MTV event.
I did ask a little girl at the screening what she thought of the movie. She loved it and was waiting for crusty old reviewers like myself to clear the cinema so she could dance to the song in the end credits.
As a cynical toy marketing ploy, Bratz rates one and half stars.
