Cast your mind back to the turn of the millennium, when trans pioneer, journalist and activist Paris Lees’ hilarious, sexy, sometimes scary and abundantly unapologetic, must-see semi-autobiographical show What It Feels Like for a Girl is set.
Humanity survived the curse of Y2K. While that so-called crisis was a mighty beat-up, life for queer folks could be pretty rough, way behind where we are today (still far from perfect). Back then, just seeing and feeling seen felt like a minor miracle.
In the UK, where Lees grew up in the teeny East Midlands town of Hucknall, just north of Nottingham, LGBTQIA+ representation was still vanishingly rare. When it did pop up, it often leaned towards the tragic, farcical or otherwise punched down.
'What It Feels Like For A Girl' follows 15-year-old Byron (Ellis Howard), based on Paris Lee's own experiences. Credit: BBC / Hera / Enda Bowe
A few gems bucked the doom and gloom. On the big screen, British heroes included Derek Jarman’s erotic masterpiece Sebastiane (1976), Stephen Frears’ My Beautiful Laundrette (1985), Isaac Julien’s buzzing Young Soul Rebels (1991), Sally Potter’s gender-queer Orlando (1993) and Hettie MacDonald’s dreamy Beautiful Thing (1996).
On TV, visibility was even scarcer, beyond comic stereotypes like Mr Humphries on Are You Being Served?
Soap opera Brookside’s lesbian kiss, between Nicola Stephenson’s Margaret and Anna Friel’s Beth, flew in the face of the Margaret Thatcher-enforced Section 28 and was a really big deal in 1994. Another soap, Coronation Street, helped open hearts with the positive depiction of a trans woman, Hayley Cropper, played by cis actor Julie Hesmondhalgh from 1998.
But mostly the focus was on gay men, with Russell T Davies blowing the toilet doors off on that front with 1999’s Queer as Folk. That show pops up momentarily on a TV screen in What It Feels Like for a Girl, which lightly fictionalises Lees’ real life.
What’s it all about?
What It Feels Like for a Girl is adapted by Lees from her best-selling memoir of the same name, alongside a writers’ room including trans man Mika Onyx Johnson. Directed by Brian Welsh (Beats), Ng Choon Ping (Femme) and Marie Kristiansen (Delete Me), it’s a coming-of-age narrative with a distinct twist, one that follows the bumpy but brill road towards a teenager transitioning on their own terms and in no particular hurry.
Out actor Ellis Howard plays a version of Lees, renamed Byron after the famous poet who is buried in Hucknall and with whom they are obsessed. Bored witless at home, Byron likes to quote their namesake in between being gay bashed by ever-stalking bullies, subsequently bunking off school.
Byron steadfastly refuses to conform, shifting codes with mercurial glee.
An effeminate 15-year-old, Byron riles their aggro dad, Steve (Michael Socha), who growls, “Why can’t you be fucking normal?” But Byron steadfastly refuses to conform, shifting codes with mercurial glee. Byron’s absentee mum, Lisa (Laura Haddock), is only half-bothered about their welfare, though she does step in eventually, only to make things worse, from Byron’s perspective.
Byron’s only real ally, beyond their adoring gran, Mommar Joe (Hannah Walters), is their never-faltering schoolmate Sam (Emma Shipp). Sam is often shocked by Byron’s carry on but is also intrigued. Though she does wish her mate would channel their Shakespeare, Byron and co-quoting brilliance into their schoolwork.
Like Lees and many a young queer person whose violent rejection by society leads them to play out in public spaces such as toilets and parks, Byron accidentally stumbles into sex work when an older man offers them five pounds under the stall for a handjob.
Lees has publicly discussed the fact that they recognise this is statutory rape. But she also notes that, back then, it emboldened her to suddenly be in demand for femme-presenting, replete with a pay packet, however risky. As Byron says to an aghast, but not repulsed, Sam, “I realised I’ve got something they want, and that gives me power.”
Who will we meet and where are we going?
Byron embracing this unexpected opportunity with gusto is a significant part of What It Feels Like for a Girl’s sex-positive, binary-smashing approach, which steadfastly refuses to be judgmental or offer tritely romantic rewrites of Lees’ real life.
When Byron falls head over not-yet-in-high-heels for a fellow cruiser in this graffiti-strewn, sexually liminal space, the 19-year-old Max (Calam Lynch) essentially becomes both Byron’s boyfriend and pimp. But heartache awaits as Max ghosts, driving the increasingly bold Byron to the queer clubs of Nottingham, a paradise pumping to the likes of Grace’s ‘Not Over Yet’ and the Sugababes’ ‘Overload’. A place where so many young LGBTQIA+ people found their logical family.
Calam Lynch as Max & Ellis Howard as Byron in 'What It Feels Like For A Girl' Credit: Enda Bowe
Falling in with trans queen Lady Die (Laquarn Lewis), she assures Byron, “There’s plenty more dick in the sea,” as she introduces the noob to her fabulously queer, predominantly trans and POC crew – Sticky Nikki (Alex Thomas-Smith), Sasha (Hannah Jones), Dirty Damian (Adam Ali) and Peter (Dickie Beau).
Byron flourishes, but as their confidence grows, their cheeky streak gets a little out of control in self-destructive ways many of us will recognise from our marvellously misspent youth. “I know it’s bad for me, but I can’t stop myself because I am bad,” Byron narrates. “So what, ‘cause in the end, something’s gonna get you.”
Dirty Damian (Adam Ali), Sasha (Hannah Jones), Byron (Ellis Howard), Lady Die (Laquarn Lewis) and Sticky Nikki (Alex Thomas-Smith). Credit: BBC / Hera / Enda Bowe
That includes disrespecting the fast and loose thing Sasha, a trans sister to Byron, has going on with the skeevy, sometimes sinister but undeniably sexy bad boy dealer, Liam (Jake Dunn). There may be trouble ahead in a show that relishes blurring the lines in thrilling ways.
All the while, Byron edges closer to becoming who they always were, Paris. The woman who will one day, past the closing credits of this show, become a Vogue star and columnist, celebrated author and proud trans activist. But not before drug and booze-fuelled misadventures, literally dressing up to pick up coppers in uniform and falling in with Liam’s worst idea ever in the show’s darkest place.
As Lees and What It Feels Like for a Girl understand, being seen includes all our messiest glory, through our dumbest downfalls and wiggiest wins. Just as mighty Stonewall rebel and trans prophet Sylvia Rivera once insisted, “We have to be visible. We should not be ashamed of who we are. We have to show the world that we are numerous.”
All episodes of What It Feels Like for a Girl are streaming at SBS On Demand.
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What It Feels Like for a Girl
series • drama
series • drama
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