- The Small Council Meeting
- Little Finger has a Meaningful Conversation
- Ramsay's Penis Box
- The Very Awkward Red Wedding
- Jon Snow Knows Nothing
Well, Game of Thrones is back and now we can finally find out what will happened to Arya, Jamie Lannister and what’s his name, you know… the guy with the beard, him.
Get set for another year of George R.R Martin laughing gleefully in your face as he no doubt subjects your favourite characters to torture, psychological torment and on so many occasions death while leaving Joffery annoyingly unscathed. Or probably anyway, after last season it looks like Mr Martin seems liable to do anything.
It’s going to be another year of painful conversations with friends that have already read all the books as they nod knowingly at your excitement and say annoying things like “Just you wait…” or on the flip side spending every second trying to keep your face as neutral as possible because you already know that your poor friends speculation on whether or not those new ‘weird’ characters are up to something horrible.
It’s going to be a rough 10 weeks of waiting the 167 other hours of the week to inject that 1 hour of the good stuff you’re waiting every second for. The water cooler conversations the next day can only take you so far and even though rewatching last episodes scenes on YouTube helps you can’t shake the feeling that you’re wasting your time.
If you’re like the vast majority of the Australian audience you’re in for a good 10 weeks of yelling at your illegal bit torrent because it’s not downloading fast enough. The ads all say that piracy is stealing, but their claims of “You wouldn’t steal a car” fall on deaf ears because a car can’t tell you whether or not the mother of dragons is going to invade Westeros this year so it’s not even a fair comparison. Besides, you’re going to buy all the DVDs and even the show creators said they didn’t mind so that means it all evens out, right?
If you’re a book reader you’ve got another roller coaster ride of trying to work out why they left some plot point out that’s going to be soooo important later while systematically making your peace with the fact that even though their casting doesn’t make the Martell’s look as good as your head made them look they’re still pretty awesome.
It’s going to be another 10 weeks of dodging spoilers for as long as you can because you couldn’t watch it the second it came out because you had work, a slow internet connection, needed to get a good night’s sleep on Monday or have an actual life you want to do things with that don’t involve dragons. Maybe you’re one of those absolutely insane people who decided to wait until all the episodes were out before sitting down to binge on them? How’d that work out for you last year? Yeah, I didn’t think it went well.
Oh and I bet you thought that by not reading the books or watching the shows you’d get out of this torturous new period of the year? No, not a damn chance, now you get 10 weeks of people asking you why you’re not watching it and asking what the hell is wrong with you? Good luck lasting another year without succumbing to the hive mind that is the Game of Thrones fan base.
No matter which way you slice it torture is coming to Australia and yet despite it all, despite all the reasons why Game of Thrones coming back is the worst thing ever there is still one undeniable reason why it’s the best and that is that Game of Thrones is back and now we get to watch it. I can’t wait.
Neal Downward is the Managing Editor of SBS Comedy and is a Game of Thrones fan boy. You can keep up-to-date with his latest funny stuff on Facebook and Twitter.
