Why I chose to be a stay-at-home dad
Father of two kids Bryan Yap shares during an interview with SBS Filipino’s Love Down Under that he is a proud househusband for many years despite the stigma surrounding it.
"I don't feel demasculinised just because my wife earns more money than me. Back in the Philippines, I used to be the provider of the family before I got married so it doesn't really bother me."
Bryan used to be a corporate trainer back in the Philippines when he decided to move to Australia to start a family.
“I embraced the changes. It was a mutual decision between me and my wife. We talked about our situation prior to me moving to Australia.”
He reveals that his wife who is already well established in Australia was willing to live with him in the Philippines after they got married.
"When we met, my wife was willing to leave her life down under to live with me in the Philippines but we decided to try living in Australia first and reassess after 2 to 3 years.”
He adds that the reason he agreed to move to Australia even though he was already established in the Philippines was because he didn’t want his wife to bear the burden of starting again.
“Even if I’m established there, she’s going to have hard time starting again. I thought of her self-worth.”
With a totally different lifestyle in Australia, the couple agreed to reverse roles.
“If my wife steps down from her career, a huge chunk of income may be lost so we decided I stay home to look after the kids while she puts money on the table. It works for us.”
Yap family Source: Bryan Yap
Reversing role is not easy
Contrary to what he initially thought, Bryan admits that the role of a househusband is not as easy as everyone thinks.
"I thought being a househusband was a way for me to rest after years of hard work in the Philippines. That’s what I thought, it turned out to be a very hectic job."
He is the primary carer of his two children and the homemaker while his wife works a 9-5 job.
"My wife expects that our children are well looked after and that the house is clean. I'm in-charge of the kids. At night, I take the 11-3am shift. Being a househusband is difficult double it up when you have two kids.”
He adds that when it comes to family finances, although majority of the money comes from his wife, he is still in-charge of the budgeting.
Bryan Yap is a stay-at-home dad Source: Bryan Yap
There is no shame in being a househusband
He shares there is no shame in being a stay-at-home dad. In fact it’s a task-y but priceless job.
“Let’s not be ashamed we’re househusbands. It's a different ballgame now. We don’t have house helpers here in Australia so we must work around what's best for the family."
He adds that it is also important for couples to talk about who’s doing particular role in the family.
“It’s all about communication, decision making and couples should talk about their short and long-term goals.”
Bryan Yap is a stay-at-home dad Source: Bryan Yap
Normalising stay-at-home dads
While he is one proud househusband, Bryan shares that there is still a stigma surrounding it.
In a patriarchal country such as the Philippines, men are expected to be the breadwinners of the family.
“People who know me from the get-go know I’m a hard working person so they understand. But those I meet would gauge their treatment on me base on my level of profession. And because I'm a stay-at -home dad they usually think I don’t have money and substance."
Although it is not the norm in terms of traditional family roles, Bryan believes that reversed gender roles have helped out so many families in Australia.
