For the loved ones around them, accepting the news can be an even harder challenge when it comes later in life. For Italian grandmother Maria, whose daughter did not come out until her thirties, all that mattered to her was that "I wanted to be there for her" says Maria. "Who knows how many times she felt bad in her life and I did not know it?" She tells the story from her point of view as a parent.
32-year-old Lisa spent many years hiding her real identity from her parents, but at some point, it became a nightmare and she couldn't handle the situation anymore.
She was suffering when she revealed to Maria "Mum, I'm gay."
As a mother, Maria's first reaction was "Why did you wait so long?"
"How could you fight alone with this all this time?"
But there were also so many questions in Maria's head and, above all, there was one: what does it really means to be gay?
She was confused and said "Lisa, maybe you're wrong!"
But Lisa's response was "No mum, that's what I feel. I just hope you can accept me as I am."
At that time Lisa also had a partner, a female partner.
"I just hope you can accept me as I am."
They both cried and hugged each other. Maria then communicated the news to her husband and then to the three Lisa's sisters, who were already aware of it.
They reassured their mother saying that for them it would not change anything: they would have been close to her sister as they had always been, according to their parents' teaching.
14 years have passed since the day Lisa came out and, "we have never looked back," Maria tells SBS Italian.
She acknowledges her daughter's courage in declaring her homosexuality, "I wanted to be there for her a long time ago," says Maria.
"Who knows how many times she felt bad in her life and I did not know it?"
Maria also believes that Lisa struggled to openly declare her homosexuality mostly for the fear of hurting her feelings or for being denied by her own family, as happens to so many people when they come out.
"There is some sort of shame feeling sometimes... But why shame then? This girl did not do anything wrong..."
Homosexuality in the Italian community is still something of a generational issue. In the older community it is still largely a taboo as highlighted by Joe Caputo, the former Chairperson of the Federation of Ethnic Communities' Councils of Australia (FECCA) who is also of Italian background.
He tells SBS Italian "It is still something that is seen as not normal."
"Whereas the younger generations are very much open towards homosexuality and in favour of getting rid of prejudice."
In Caputo's opinion, the traditions still have a strong influence on "the way that people weigh these sort of issues."
"The old traditions have seen homosexuality and those who have a different sexual orientation as abnormal."
It is also true that the situation is slowly changing within the Italian community, especially for elders as Joe Caputo also says "They are not against homosexuality per se but, they're against the fact the homosexuals want to get married."
Many people in the Italian community still see marriage only in one way: between a man and a woman.
"They are not against homosexuality per se but, they're against the fact the homosexuals want to get married."
Lisa has been together with her partner for 14 years now. They have three children today who call their mothers little mummy and big mummy respectively, distinguishing them according to their stature.
Maria explains her daughter and her partner talked to their children and explain their way of love each other, "They told them what it means to be gay. The children understood that they have two mums who love each other" said Maria and as a grandmother, she doesn't see any difference between Lisa's daughters and her other grandchildren, who are growing in a traditional family, made up of a mother and a father.
The argument that same-sex parents harm children has been denied by several types of research, like a 2010 meta-analysis of 33 studies including a large Australian study which just replicates the findings: children with same-sex parents just do as well as children raised by heterosexual parents, it is discrimination that harms children.
"Kids have understood that they have two mums because they love each other, and that it is not necessary to have a dad. They have explained what it means to be gay."
As to how she thinks parents - particularly migrant parents - should the address the coming out of a son or daughter, Maria does not hesitate to answer. "Do not be ashamed, they are human beings," she says.
"If they come to tell you what they are, do not repudiate them but just hug them.
"Keep them close to you. Be with them.
"It is so sad to think of a poor boy or a poor girl who came out and has no shoulder to lean on.
"And it is especially sad to think that who should love them the most, repel them... how is this possible?"
Maria hopes that same-sex marriage in Australia becomes soon a reality.
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or anxiety, you can call the following counselling helplines: beyondblue on 1300 22 4636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, or Q Life which supports LGBTI people daily from 3pm to midnight on 1800 184 527.
If you need language assistance, you can access an interpreter by calling the TIS on 13 14 50, and ask to connect to your designated support service. Call 000 immediately if a person’s life is in danger.
Video by: Francesca Rizzoli/SBS Italian
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