Like any other girl, Priya* dreamt of marrying her ideal man, fall madly in love and live happily ever after.
But now belittled, heartbroken and deserted in Australia after just two years of marriage, Priya-a student from Punjab studying in Melbourne, is determined to end the "sham of a marriage," she describes as "mental and physical hell."
She has recently left her husband’s home and shifted to a safer place.
'A rich boy married a poor girl-our marriage was destined to fail'
“I can’t think of a single day I felt remotely happy. I was under constant vigil, my husband and his mother would not allow me to step out of the house,” Priya tells SBS Punjabi.
“At times when they would go out, they would leave me at a nearby gurdwara where I’d wait for hours for them to return.”
Priya, now in her late 20s arrived in Australia on a student visa along with her husband who continues to live here on a visitor visa. The duo was meant to stay with her husband’s family who have been living in Melbourne for past many years.
A domestic abuse victim speaks to SBS Punjabi Source: Moment Open
Demand for Dowry
It all started on our wedding day, recalls Priya who in keeping with the custom had met her husband through an arranged marriage back in Punjab.
“It was a very lavish affair," claims Priya.
"I clearly remember they had demanded Rs 30 lakh as dowry from my family, something they later denied and said it was the mediator who had asked for the money.”
“My parents, however, went ahead with my marriage. There’s was a rich family and I was from a middle-class family and today when I look back, I feel, maybe this was my fault that I was poor?” says Priya who now realises that her family should have called off the union “then and there.”
“I fail to understand that they were an established business family so what was the need for all that money?” wonders Priya.
'I was kept like a slave, a maid, heck! Even they have better lives'
“They made me beg for every single penny. I was starved and degraded in front of all the relatives. I was gradually asked to break all contact with my parents.”
"I would do all the household work and yet my mother-in-law wouldn’t deter from complaining.”
"She'd say..win our hearts..you tell me, how can you convince someone to love you when all they have for you is a heart full of hatred?"
“You are dangar, daayan, ugly and uninformed- you don’t know how to sit, you don’t know how to eat..she would yell day in and day out," alleges Priya.
"What is your worth? she would repeatedly question."
Priya claims that her husband’s family continued to make subsequent demands for dowry even after the marriage.
“They told me that we can’t support you..go ask for money from your parents.”
“Agreed, that I come from modest means, but even they provided me with a far better life. At least there, I wasn’t suffering or starving,” claims Priya.
'Many-many times I was physically abused'
"My husband used to hit me" Source: Getty Images
“He would hit me. My mother-in-law has tried to hit me many times," Priya alleges.
“I used to beg, please don’t hit me, please don’t scold me every time.”
“Of late I have developed anxiety issues. I live in constant fear but nobody has come to my rescue.”
'You don’t deserve to live in Australia'
“I came to Melbourne thinking things would change, but things rather got worse.”
“First they themselves enrolled me into a university and then didn’t allow me to attend classes.”
“I was kept under a house arrest," alleges Priya.
'Should I end my life?'
“I can’t remember a day when my husband even spoke to me. I was left alone in this new country where I had no support, no family, driven to take my own life.”
Priya claims her family back in Punjab is still reeling under the debt they had taken to arrange her wedding.
“How can I ask them for support? They are still struggling to repay the money they had borrowed for my wedding day.”
She has recently obtained a restraining order against her husband and his family and has made up her mind to stay here and pursue her studies.
She is now hoping to get some help from the authorities to extend her stay in Australia.
“I really wish I could get some help from the authorities here so I can stand on my own feet.”
“I can’t go back to India, because, in our culture, a divorce still carries a stigma- it’s a shame.”
“Today, I have no money, no home and at the end of the day when am starving…I go to random people begging for food.”
“Tell me: Where did I go wrong? What was my fault?” cries out Priya in a quivering voice.
(*Not her real name)
If you are experiencing domestic violence, you can seek help at 1800 737 732
If you are experiencing stress, call Lifeline at 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636
READ SBS PUNJABI'S AWARD-WINNING STORY ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN AUSTRALIA
THE ENEMY WITHIN (English Version)
It's believed that one in three Australian women will be a victim of family violence at some time in her life. It's a complex and distressing issue, and cuts across all social and ethnic groups. However several horrific cases in the Australian Indian community have been widely reported in recent months, raising questions about the prevalence of domestic violence in the Indian community specifically.
