IN BRIEF
- Nearly 40 per cent of all sexual assault victims in Australia are young people aged between 10 and 17.
- Love Bites is a primary prevention program working with young Australians to reduce rates of violence and misogyny.
This article contains references to child sexual abuse and sexual assault.
The death of a 16-year-old girl after a suspected sexual strangulation act has unearthed major concerns about the increasing rate of young people experiencing and perpetrating sexual violence.
Consent educator Sarnia Ralston told SBS News that sexual strangulation is "not a freak occurrence" in young people's sexual experiences.
"We need young people to know that sexual strangulation is not something that you can ever do safely," she said.
"The exposure to online pornography has a direct correlation to young people's expectations of sex."
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The girl's death comes days after three students were charged with the sexual assault of a 14-year-old girl in Bondi, and three boys were charged with the sexual assault of a 17-year-old girl in Sydney's McCarthur region.
"Escalating rates of sexual violence, particularly amongst young people, are a huge concern that we need to address," Social Services Minister Tanya Plibersek said in parliament.
"Almost 40 per cent of victims of sexual assault are between the ages of 10 and 17, and we know that online harms are spilling into real-life harm."
Plibersek said "sexual strangulation is becoming more commonplace" due to children being exposed to "violent and degrading pornography".
"It's where they're getting their sex education from."
According to the Breathless Campaign, 57 per cent of young Australians have been strangled by a partner during sex and 51 per cent have strangled a partner during sex.
Ralston is the Queensland and Northern Territory projects executive manager and facilitator trainer for a primary prevention program called Love Bites.
She told SBS News about what actually works.
What is the Love Bites program?
Operated by the National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect, Love Bites is a trauma-informed and evidence-based respectful relationships program teaching young people across Australia since 2003.
A national network of grassroots facilitators delivers it to young people aged 11 to 17.
Designed in line with Australia’s consent curriculum, it’s "scaffolded according to their developmental needs" and addresses topics like consent, technology-facilitated abuse, pornography and coercive control.
"It's a universal program that really challenges the drivers of violence ... we unpack what the attitudes and beliefs are that form somebody’s actions or behaviours," said Ralston.
What do young people know about sex?
In 2022, almost 40 per cent of young people had already encountered online pornography by the age of 13.
Ralston said pornography and its effects are so pervasive that the Love Bites senior program is now being delivered to the youngest cohort.
"We're now having these conversations in the younger years around coercive control, around consent and more explicit consent conversations,” she said.
“We're hearing about the impact of AI, sextortion, sexual images, technology-facilitated abuse — all of these conversations that we didn't even have words for a few years ago.”
She said there’s been a significant rise in language and content associated with the "manosphere" — and it’s happening in primary schools.
Manosphere is an umbrella term for a mix of online spaces that talk about men, masculinity and gender relations. Such spaces frequently advocate narrow and rigid ideas about what it means to be a "real" man.
But most Love Bites graduates are pushing back.
"We see so many incredible young men in our Love Bite programs that are genuinely trying to navigate their way through this harmful space and they're asking really great questions, they're showing respect in relationships and in their actions,” said Ralston.
“We can’t pretend this isn’t happening at all, but we can highlight the incredible young people, men and women, who are really recognising harm and standing by each other.”
How do you challenge a harmful sexual behaviour or attitude in a young person?
When a concerning opinion or behaviour is identified in the Love Bites program, it’s met with "curious questioning”.
She said facilitators are trained to “provide opportunities to have conversations around how things could look different”.
The approach varies by age.
“When we’re working with little kids, up to 10 years old, developmentally they need us to be their manager. We can run the program and feed the information to them,” Ralston said.
“When we work with adolescents, 11 years and up ... we’re hired as a contractor ... we come into the room with a perspective, tell them what we know, and they can choose if they want to contract our services.”
She said it’s a method that has enabled complex and progressive conversations and helped young people self-determine what safe, respectful sex is.
What's the right way to talk to young people about sex?
Ralston said being delicate isn’t necessary when talking to young people about sex.
She said many young people in the Love Bites program have expressed a desire to be able to talk to the adults in their lives about sex and relationships.
“It’s just providing that safe space and beginning the conversation,” she said.
“The really important thing is being curious and having solid, informed, evidence-based research.”
What to do if a young person needs help?
Conversations about sex can feel shameful at any age, Ralston said it’s important to “get comfortable and confident”.
"If we are not comfortable having a conversation about some explicit materials, we need to start with ourselves,” she said.
"We’ve done really well in Australia to normalise conversations around the prevention of domestic and family violence. We need to get that with sexual violence and sexual abuse.”
Consent education can cause some to reflect on experiences they deemed healthy — and realise otherwise.
Ralston said it’s a common occurrence.
She said when a young person discloses an experience of sexual assault, believing them is crucial.
If a young person has recognised they’ve perpetrated harmful sexual behaviour, they must be met with support.
"We need to help them understand that everybody has capability to change,” Ralston said.
“The first step in understanding how to change is understanding that your behaviour has crossed the line.”
Readers seeking support can ring Lifeline crisis support on 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14, Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 and Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (for young people aged 5 to 25). More information is available at beyondblue.org.au and lifeline.org.au.
Anyone seeking information or support relating to sexual abuse can contact Bravehearts on 1800 272 831 or Blue Knot on 1300 657 380.
If you or someone you know is impacted by sexual assault, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000.
The Men’s Referral Service, operated by No to Violence, can be contacted on 1300 766 491.
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