Matt Boulton was in his early twenties when he returned home from work to an empty house and a message that his wife had left him.
“She considered the relationship too dangerous for her,” says Boulton, reflecting on events that happened nearly 20 years ago.
“We had some problems with conflict, and as time went on that got a bit more ugly. I began to cross some lines that I thought I'd never cross as a man, eventually crossing a line into getting physical.”
Even after his wife's departure, it didn't immediately click that he had a problem.
“There was a lot of denial at first. I screwed up the note, and thought, 'You'll be back'”.
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When friends and customers noted his wife's absence from the family business, he lied and said she'd gone on holiday. It wasn't until another man challenged his story that he finally began to admit that his wife had left because of his own behaviour.
“As the reality sunk in, I realised this is for real. I realised I really do have a problem.”
Boulton is now a qualified counsellor and ambassador for White Ribbon Day. He works with other men who have committed acts of violence towards women, and says getting men to talk about and understand the problem of domestic abuse is essential to preventing it.
“Some of my attitudes back then would have been sometimes women brought this on themselves.
“Men, particularly perpetrators of violence, really need to hear it from a man because that's the headspace they're in. They need to hear it from a man they respect.”
It's a concept supported by White Ribbon Chairman and TV personality Andrew O'Keefe.
“I think there are two ways in which every single man can be part of the solution. One is to stand up to violence wherever he finds it around him. [And] secondly, just in the way we conduct our own lives, we can be terrific beacons for respectful relationships,” he says.
“The simple reason is that it is men who are responsible for violence against women, so if you don't get men involved, you will never solve the problem.”
After 10 months of counselling, Matt Boulton was able to reconcile with his wife. He says the support he gained through both his local church and a lifeline domestic violence group helped him dramatically change his attitudes towards women.
“That also brought me face-to-face with the myth that this is a family secret. It can't afford to be a secret.”
His advice to all men is to know and understand the signs of violence in relationships, including looking for other signs of abuse. “Is the man isolating his partner? Is he restricting what she can do, where she can go? Does she have an allowance? And how does he speak to her, and about her?”
This Sunday, White Ribbon ambassadors are encouraging men and women to visit their website to show your support for the male-led campaign to stop domestic violence and find out what you can do to help.
