In this week's 'is this a thing now' we have three dick shaped things to wrap your teeth around.
1. String Lateral Flash
First off it’s the String Lateral Flash.
Proving they have no idea what they’re doing, French fashion label Alter designed the swimwear and are getting a bunch of press thanks to stars of The Only Way Is Essex, Bobby Norris and Harry Derbidge.
The String Lateral Flash is described as an “original and ultra-sexy string which encloses one side of the waist.” Or in other words a mistake.
Now getting the barely there monstrosity delivered to Australia will only set you back $31.70, presumably because there’s about 5 cents worth of material in them.
If you buy nine though they’ll chuck in free shipping.
2. Smallest Penis Competition
Back for another year it’s the worst title in the world and the competition no one should want to win. It’s the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn.
The contest made its return this weekend at the Bushwick’s Kings County Bar in Brooklyn for it's second year.
With 5 contestants and a sold out crowd it wasn’t really that much of a competition.
Two of the entrants had regular sized penises belittling the event, and the other contestants flesh flutes by comparison.
Ultimately crowd favourite Rajkumar (Rajeeve Gupta) won out the night by performing a full on Bollywood dance just like Slumdog Millionaire, but with more micro-penis.
Rajeeve Gupta walked away with the grand prize of $200 and an all expenses date with two “gorgeous" sisters who appreciate a man with a littler, little guy.
3. Automatic blowjob machine
And finally in this special penis edition of 'is this a thing now' you can finally put down that vacuum because it turns out there's a real oral sex machine.
The Autoblow 2 claims to be “the world’s most realistic robotic oral sex simulator”.
Funded via crowdsourcing site Indiegogo, Autoblow 2, the second cumming is completely electronic.
The motor lasts for about 500 hours or 1500 solo sexcapades and costs only $150 online.
The creator Brian Sloan says “I see a future where men own high tech masturbation appliances that are a normal part of their daily lives. The Autoblow 2 is the first step in that direction, and a giant leap towards improving the realism of the male masturbation experience.”
