Have you ever been curious about what really happens in couples therapy?
Is it like in the movies, filled with screaming, sobbing and soft furnishings in neutral palettes? Or is it more clinical, sliding around on an uncomfortable faux leather couch with your equally uncomfortable partner next to you?
Well, consider your questions answered with Couples Therapy Australia, a docuseries which follows three real couples each season as they seek help from clinical psychotherapist and absolute queen Marryam Chehelnabi. And yes, you read that correctly: real couples. Participants on this show explore their relationships with one another but also with themselves in extremely vulnerable ways on camera, and it is simply marvellous viewing.
Couples Therapy Australia is a spin-off of the American show Couples Therapy, which follows the same docuseries format and is led by icon, legend, star and clinical psychologist Orna Gulnarik. Fans of the OG show might worry they’ll feel separation anxiety from Orna, but let me reassure you that much like the couples in the show, we’re in good hands with Marryam Chehelnabi.
It’s also refreshing to see Australian couples in this therapeutic context as well. While they may not be as loud or overtly dramatic as our beloved US couples from across the pond, the show is equally as gripping and packs the same punch.
And with the cost of living being what it is, let’s be honest, we can’t all afford a regular therapy session. So, here’s all the lessons I learned from Couples Therapy Australia instead.
Marryam Chehelnabi in 'Couples Therapy Australia'. Credit: Paramount+
1) Therapists and psychologists take their work home too
You might think that the therapists in Couples Therapy are just there to guide us through whatever drama is happening with the couple, but Chehelnabi’s role is essential and fascinating. It’s not just how she engages the couple during the session, drawing out their complex inner worlds, but also how she reflects on her role afterwards. One of the best parts of Couples Therapy Australia is seeing Chehelnabi process her work with her own clinical supervisor after the sessions. In the first episode, she says she feels “so much responsibility”, and it’s an important reminder of the thought, time and energy that goes into working with these couples.
2) Your couples therapist can’t pick a side
If you’ve ever considered couples therapy as a way to win an argument, please reconsider. One of the things Chehelnabi makes very clear is that she must be neutral, and actually, it’s that neutrality that makes the couples therapist position valuable in the first place. This is not your group chat of besties who are always on call to validate your feelings. “I have to maintain that position of neutrality so I can be of use to them,” Chehelnabi says and similarly, she tells her clinical supervisor that she’s “not here to fix”. Instead of telling someone they’re right or wrong, a couples therapist helps the pair communicate with one another and express their feelings.
Cam and Nicolle in season 2 of 'Couples Therapy Australia'. Credit: Paramount+
3) Couples therapy is often a process of discovery
At various points in Couples Therapy Australia, we see the couples learn something new about one another. Each of these couples have been together for years, but they still have the capacity to surprise each other. For Brendon and Scott, there is an emotional reveal about a family history with alcohol. For one of the other couples, a conversation about clothing turns much deeper, ultimately leading to a reckoning with feelings of inadequacy. In both scenarios, our couples learn something new about their partner, an experience that can be uncomfortable and even jarring. What we see in Couples Therapy Australia is the many layers to relationships, and to the individuals in those relationships. While these couples may know one another intimately, they don’t know each other completely, and therapy may change their perceptions and understandings of each other more than they expected.
Brendan and Scott get real with Marryam. Credit: Paramount+
4) Therapy has limits
Like Chehelnabi’s admission that she’s “not here to fix” a relationship, she also tells us that couples therapy isn’t a “quick fix” either. The couples need to be willing to put in the work – and it really is work. One couple in season one of Couples Therapy Australia are forced to switch their usual ‘relationship roles’, and while it’s an empowering experience for one person, it’s emotional and difficult for the other. For anyone thinking that going to a couples therapist means a psychologist waving a magic wand and fixing all your relationship issues, sorry, but think again. In each episode of Couples Therapy Australia, we see the labour that goes into working through issues like grief, divergent parenting styles, and alcohol dependence. And while Chehelnabi is essential, the bulk of that work has to come from the couples themselves.
5) You are never getting a camera on me in therapy
After many days spent binge watching both Couples Therapy Australia and the original Couples Therapy, both now streaming on SBS On Demand, I have a huge respect for the vulnerability and bravery of the couples on the show. However, I could simply never do it, because I know the faces I would pull on camera would haunt me forever.
Couples Therapy Australia is now streaming at SBS On Demand.
All four seasons of the US Couples Therapy are also streaming at SBS On Demand.
