Father of Western psychotherapy, Sigmund Freud, proposed that all human behaviour is driven by a tension between two fundamental instincts: Eros, the life and sex drive and Thanatos, the death and destruction drive. Deeply interrelated, the perpetual conflict between the two helps shape our personalities, actions, and societal dynamics, including our reactions to insurmountable challenges.
When Molly Kochan was diagnosed with terminal Stage IV breast cancer, she got busy. In the most YOLO move of all time, she left her husband and set out to fulfil her wildest sexual fantasies. Kochan has sadly passed, but her erotic adventures inspired the hit podcast and Apple TV series Dying for Sex, thrusting consideration of terminal illness and intimacy into the public discourse for perhaps the first time.
It doesn't have to be the type of eroticism that you had before. It's a new normal.Chantelle Otten
Wanting to explore the intersection of sex and death ourselves, we reached out to renowned psycho-sexologist Chantelle Otten. Otten helps patients and couples navigate intimacy after a terminal diagnosis and guides others through the often murky waters of grief and desire, or lack thereof. Having recently lost a parent, she’s also gained a deeper understanding of what they’re going through.
If we can expand your view of sexuality and eroticism, you're setting yourself up for success
In this episode, we ask: how can couples experiencing terminal illness redefine intimacy? How soon is too soon to get back out there after losing a partner? And can your parents see you having sex from beyond the grave?
Links
Credits
Grave Matters is an SBS Audio podcast about death, dying, and the people helping us do both better. Find it in your podcast app, such as the SBS Audio app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or LiSTNR.
Hosts: Anthony Levin and Nadine J. Cohen
Producer: Jeremy Wilmot
Writers: Anthony Levin and Nadine J. Cohen
Art and design: Karina Aslikyan
SBS team: Joel Supple, Max Gosford, Bernadette Phương Nam Nguyễn, and Philip Soliman
Guest: Chantelle Otten
HelplinesIf you'd like to speak to someone, you can reach a counsellor at Beyond Blue at any time, day or night, by calling 1300 22 4636 or visiting www.beyondblue.org.au. Also, Lifeline offers 24/7 crisis support on 13 11 14, and Embrace Multicultural Mental Health supports people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds. In an emergency call 000.
