Key Points
- In Australia, the concept of starting a relationship through arranged circumstances is relatively uncommon.
- Matchmaking services in Australia aim to connect singles seeking serious, long-term relationships.
- Dating apps are platforms where users create profiles, match with others, and chat before meeting in person.
- How is dating in Australia different from other countries?
- What do you need to know before dating in Australia?
- Where should you start looking for dates in Australia?
- What are matchmaking services?
- How do matchmaking services work?
Gery Karantzas is a Professor of Psychology and Relationship Science at Deakin University, Director of the Science of Adult Relationships Laboratory, and a couple’s therapist.
He says the desire to find a partner goes beyond romance — it’s also about belonging.
"When we separate from very familiar places that we've either grown up in or learned to, to be a part of in society, and that often is also where our close family and friends are connected, that when we leave those countries, when we leave those areas, it's very common for people to experience a sense of loneliness and a sense of isolation. And we as human beings have a need to belong," Professor Karantzas says.
Professor Karantzas explains that separation from loved ones naturally causes distress, a normal emotional response.
"One way for us to be able to deal with that distress when we know that the ability to be able to be close to them and to hug them and to be with them when we come into a foreign country is to try to connect with other people.
Oftentimes, it can be people that are from a like-minded community or a similar cultural background, if not the same cultural background, because there's already some shared common interests, values, belief systems that can already make us feel like we're part of something," he adds.
But starting a relationship in Australia often unfolds differently than it does overseas.
Speed dating is a social event where single people meet multiple potential partners through a series of short, timed one-on-one conversations. Credit: AsiaVision/Getty Images
How is dating in Australia different from other countries?
Professor Karantzas says arranged relationships are uncommon in Australia.
"If we're talking about countries, whether it be the Middle East, parts of Africa, various parts of Asia, some of these countries tend to be what we would call more collectivist. The way that they tend to meet partners can be through shared networks of people, friends, and family. We even know that in some cultures, there's a high proportion that, for example, of arranged marriages and their like," he explains.
Adam (not his real name) moved to Australia in 2014 as an international student.
“The first month is kind of fun. Everything is new, and I feel excited. And after one month, the reality hit me. I [felt] really homesick. I started to struggle with many things, culture shocks, language barrier, and emotions swing. I have low self-esteem, I [felt] lonely at the time as well,” he says.
After three years and several failed relationships, Adam turned to a Melbourne dating coach.
"I have learned a lot about social skills. My coach pushes me out of my boundary, like talking with any stranger, not in a creepy way. So, like the skill that we can make friends, we can talk to anyone, we can go to any social event and have any discussion with anyone. That changed my mind set a lot because I think most men struggle to talk with girls that they find interesting," Adam says.
Dating apps are online platforms, either web-based or mobile, that enable users to create a profile, match with others, and engage in online chat before meeting in person. Source: Moment RF / Fotografía de eLuVe/Getty Images
What do you need to know before dating in Australia?
Andrew Gung, a Melbourne-based dating and relationship coach, has worked with over a thousand men from diverse backgrounds through his company, Confidence Coaching.
"We get inquiries almost every day from men from different countries, specifically mostly India and also certain Asian countries. Their concept of dating is almost coming from what they've seen in the movies because they've been brought up with the idea of arranged marriages. So, they don't really know how to build attraction with women," he says.
Mr Gung explains that being friendly or kind isn’t enough.
"The dating process has changed. They don't just deliver themselves on a silver platter, I'm readily available for a relationship on the first date. A lot of the times they've been doing that, and they don't get passed date one," he says.
Where should you start looking for dates in Australia?
Andrew Gung provides tips to help you get started. He suggests Meetup.com to help you build your social network.
"Not trying to think of it as a way to meet women and date, just building up a social network, making friends from different cultures, going to different events, even language events, dancing events. They're a great platform to build connections, start from there, and then they can start networking and potentially meeting friends of friends, which could be potential dates," he suggests.
He also suggests to try using dating apps.
"So, dating apps can work quite well. I would suggest not to be disheartened if they give it a go and don't get the results. They just need to work on their profile and the way that they present themselves," he adds.
Tre and Yovnne with their child.
What are matchmaking services?
For those seeking a more personalised approach, matchmaking services in Australia connect singles looking for serious, long-term relationships. Unlike dating apps, they offer confidentiality and curated matches.
Yvonne and Tre, a Sydney couple, met through a matchmaking service in 2019.
"I was inspired after travelling overseas and experiencing a new culture that I wanted to find someone when I came back to Australia. And then as I came back, that's when I sought a matchmaking service and helped me meet Yvonne. We had an immediate connection; it just grew from there. We're both looking for someone, and that meant it wasn't just meeting on the side of the road. It was like we both had an intention. We both wanted to find love," Tre says.
"We have very good communication, and we trust each other, and we always like to give each other confidence. So, I think this is very important for the relationship to get longer and tougher," adds Yvonne.
Matchmaking services in Australia aim to connect singles seeking serious, long-term relationships. Source: Moment RF / Ippei Naoi/Getty Images
How do matchmaking services work?
Sydney-based matchmaker Katherine Wei, a Love and Life Coach, has helped over 75,000 people across Australia and Asia find lasting love.
She says expectations often differ between cultures.
“I deal with a lot of Japanese, Chinese, Southeast Asia people. There's a strong emphasis, the purpose of marriage, this question brought up right at the start of dating, but here in Australia, when you brought [bring] that serious question up in the front of my client, a Caucasian man, he said 'Wow. I date this girl. It's only second time she was asking how do I think about marriage? Do I have any plan?' he said, 'I barely know her',” Ms Wei says.
She explains that matchmaking offers deeper insight than dating apps.
"Matchmaking is different. I meet and screen every client, so I try to understand their cultural background, values and the long-term goals. Then I introduce them only to people who are genuinely aligned, anyone serious about commitment. It removes the guesswork, increasing the safety and create a deeper, more meaningful connections," she says.
Not everyone turns to a coach or matchmaker. Many find love through community sports, language classes, or volunteering.
But Andrew Gung warns of online scammers. Always meet in public, let a friend know where you’re going, and never share financial details.
If family and domestic violence impact you or someone you know, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732, or visit 1800RESPECT.org.au. In an emergency, call 000. The Men's Referral Service, operated by No to Violence, can be contacted on 1300 766 491.
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