Highlights
- Ryan Sta. Maria was called 'salot' ['pestilence' in Filipino] by his family because he was gay
- Ryan was determined to escape poverty and have a better life
- After going through difficulties that led to a suicide attempt, he has turned his life around
- He's now selling gourmet tuyo [dried fish] and other Filipino products in order to be able to continue sending relief funds to his former school
"Growing up, my family would always say to me that I needed to work harder than most. It was because they said I was gay and therefore, 'salot' ['pestilence' in Filipino] and I needed to make up for that."
Ryan Sta. Maria did work hard, but not because he had anything to make up for. He worked hard to create a better life for himself and that, in turn, helped him provide a better life for others.
Ryan worked hard to create a better life for himself and that, in turn, helped him provide a better life for others. Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
Nothing came easy
Things never came easy for Ryan.
A son of Malbago, Bontoc, Southern Leyte, Ryan was left in the care of his grandmother by his parents who he says were too young when they had him.
"Every time I would ask for an allowance for school from my grandmother, my uncle would get angry and say that my parents don't send any.
Ryan's parents left him in the care of his grandmother. Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"The poverty I grew up in pushed me to find a way out of it."
His way out of it was school, which some family members believed to be a waste of time.
"Some of my uncles and aunts wanted me to stop studying. They said I should just work in the fields.
"I didn't want to quit school so I found a way to fund my studies. I worked for free for a friend in his salon and he helped fund my schooling.
"I didn't want to quit school so I found a way to fund my studies. I worked for free for a friend in his salon and he helped fund my schooling. Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"I had a teacher - Ms Erlinda - who taught me the value of working hard. Even when I was young I knew I was gay. My family looked down on me because of it. Ms Erlinda told me working hard in school was my way out of that situation."
Ryan did well in school, so much so that he earned a partial university scholarship for Business Management and Marketing.
With a degree under his belt, he found himself working for three years for Philippine Fashion Week and later on, in Thailand and then Australia.
Ryan [seated] in Thailand Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"I didn't feel like I belonged"
Education brought better opportunities for Ryan in the past and, being able to study in Australia was no different. However, the difficulties he encountered proved to be overwhelming.
"I studied in Brisbane first, then moved to Adelaide after a year. I looked for work while I was studying because I was depleting my savings at that point. I couldn't find any. I was getting depressed.
"My housemates constantly nagged me about being unemployed. Whenever I talked with my parents, they would always bring up religion and my sexuality. My brothers were pastors and my father would still force me as he always did to take the same path."
Ryan as a student Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
The persistent disapproval forced Ryan to battle with demons he suppressed for years. Despite all his achievements, the words thrown at him from when he was a child stuck - he believed he was worthless.
"I had a lot of insecurities. I didn't feel like I belonged in Australia. For my family, me being gay, being who I was, was abhorrent."
It was 2019 when Ryan said he was finally pushed to the edge.
"I had a lot of insecurities. I didn't feel like I belonged in Australia. For my family, me being gay, being who I was, was abhorrent." Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"One of my housemates found me and forced me to throw up. I woke up in the hospital with the police around me. The doctor said if I hadn't been found, I would be dead.
"I cried for two days straight and apologised to my housemates."
The aftermath of the ordeal came with a strong warning from his doctor - he needed to take care of both his mental and physical wellbeing or else he will be deported.
"For me to be able to stay in Australia, I needed to prove I could contribute to society and not be a burden on the system."
Giving back
The path towards recovery was difficult, but Ryan trudged on.
He moved to Melbourne and started studying Commercial Cookery after rediscovering a love for cooking when he found a job in a pastry shop.
"Things were looking up and I was earning well. I looked back on my life and realised I needed to reach out to those who got me to where I was."
He moved to Melbourne and started studying Commercial Cookery after rediscovering a love for cooking. Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
Those people were the teachers he met in school as a young boy in Southern Leyte. After paying his own bills, he would send money and supplies to the impoverished school as support to the teachers and students.
"I know how life is back home. I lived it. They weren't asking for help, but I wanted to do it."
Then the pandemic hit. Ryan lost his job last June.
"I know how life is back home. I lived it. They weren't asking for help, but I wanted to do it." Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"I didn't know how to earn money to pay my bills and at the same time, send money to the school.
"I saw people back in the Philippines selling food online and it gave me the idea to sell gourmet tuyo [dried fish] here. I named the business Spice of Life Gourmet and decided to use my tax refund to fund it."
With his tax refund and his partner's support, Ryan is selling gourmet tuyo and other Filipino food products, with 10 per cent of the profits going to his former school.
"They use the money to buy supplies and print out modules for the kids who are unable to go to school because of the pandemic.
Ryan sells gourmet tuyo and other Filipino products to raise funds for his hometown school. Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"Eventually, if I earn more, I want to be able to extend my help to the other schools in my hometown."
Ryan, who is now on a bridging visa while awaiting approval of a protection visa, shares that his path towards stability has been long.
"I'm better now. I go to a therapist and I take care of myself. I still talk with my mum, but it's mostly small talk. I don't have a relationship with my dad.
Ryan shares that life is much better now. Source: Ryan Sta. Maria
"What life has taught me though is the value of hard work, education and self-belief. Those helped me get through everything."
Readers seeking support with mental health can contact Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. More information is available at Beyond Blue.org.au. Embrace Multicultural Mental Health supports people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.
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