Warning: The following article contains content that may trigger suicidal thoughts or desires. Contact a mental health care professional immediately if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or desires.
Ni Made Ari Yanti Putri Negara experienced severe depression after giving birth to her only son, now five years old. At that time, Ari said, the Covid-19 pandemic had just entered Indonesia, limiting daily activities due to various restrictions.
At the same time, she was still adjusting to her husband's family, who were of a higher caste. According to Balinese custom, Ari's caste changed following her husband’s requiring her to learn and implement new traditions.
"I felt pressured from various angles: my status as a new mother, the closure of my Balinese dance studio due to Covid-19, and also adjusting to life within my husband's family. I felt insecure and worthless," said the 29-year-old.
She felt emptiness all around her and would stay in bed with her baby for days.
This situation undoubtedly worried her husband, who tried to help her.
"But I was in denial," she said. She didn't see it as a mental health issue that needed to be addressed.
After showing very worrying symptoms, including suicide attempts, Ari was taken to a psychiatrist.
"Through my cousin who was studying to become a psychiatrist, I was introduced to his lecturer. I was diagnosed with severe depression by the psychiatrist," she said.
However, Ari refused to take the prescribed medication and chose psychotherapy as an alternative treatment which was also an option suggested by the psychiatrist.
"At that time, because of the stigma, I didn't want to be considered a mentally ill person," he said.
Ari chose Balinese dance as her therapy. Through her dancing, she expressed all the feelings and anxieties that had been raging within her for the past year.
Now, once a year, she produces a dance piece and shares it on her YouTube channel. Slowly but surely, she felt better and began to change her perspective on life.
In the fifth year, her son, Abi, who has been dancing and performing with her, asked to be allowed to create his own work without the mother’s help.
"It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest," she said.
