Sandor Earl says he'd love to play NRL again, but doesn't know if or when he can with his drugs case still unresolved.
Earl is yet to face the anti-doping tribunal almost 20 months after being issued with an infraction notice following his admission to the use and trafficking of peptide CJC-1295.
He said the process outlined to him by ASADA and the NRL upon accepting a provisional suspension hadn't been followed as promised.
"I don't even know when my ban is actually up till," he told Triple M's NRL show on Sunday.
The AFL anti-doping tribunal's decision to clear 34 past and current Essendon players, while different, was "just another kick in the back".
"It's disappointing," he said.
"I've always wanted a fair trial, a fair go and that doesn't seem like it's going to happen.
"But I'm happy to see them guys be able to move on and that that chapter can be closed for them."
The ex-Sydney Roosters, Canberra and Penrith outside back claims he's had little or no support from the NRL or his former clubs but is eager to return to first-grade at some point.
He currently lives in Thailand, where he set up - but recently sold - a health food cafe and gym, and is also involved with a first-division soccer team as a conditioning coach.
"There is more to life than football," he said.
"(But) I'd love to throw on a green jersey or something like that and play in the NRL again, and at least go out on my own terms.
"With all the support and the people who've done me right, that dream's never going to die.
"And the sooner the better, I'd love to come back - whether it's a year, two years, four years - and just do what I can do, give some hope."
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