While I was using a new live-streaming app on my phone to bless the Internet with footage of my adorable cat Tippi being adorable, a random person (with a man’s name) posted the message ‘You’re Fat’ onto the screen for me to see.
I am fat, so it took me a couple of moments to realise that I wasn’t actually showing myself on screen and they couldn’t have known that I am (unless they have some kind of terrible and boring superpower that alerts them when a fat person is live-streaming).
The person posted the message the instant they logged in, and repeated the same message multiple times. Even though Tippi can give the impression of being chubby (she ISN’T, she is just a round shape with no tail), I concluded that this is probably just what they do for kicks – evidently not knowing about the existence of books or television.
We have gotten to a stage in this world where even pointing out that someone is fat is somehow enough of an insult to put no further effort in.
Because I am a woman who uses the Internet, I am used to seeing many examples of men using the World Wide Web as their playground to spew inappropriate and horrible comments at women. But this was a new and specific one that is usually restricted to offline.
After I received the message, I reflected on all of the times that strangers (almost exclusively men) in real life have verbally attacked me simply because I am a fat woman who happens to walk by them, or sit near them on a bus, or dare to exist.
I wrote out a list of fat-related insults that I have heard yelled at me, said to me, or audibly whispered behind me so I could hear. I came up with a list of 36, ranging from ‘Fat Whale’ (a bit redundant in my opinion, there aren’t really any skinny whales) to ‘Blob’, all the way to the more explicit insults that I certainly cannot publish in case my Nanna is reading.
It is important to keep in mind that this is an incomplete list, as the number of incidents is countless. Remember that this is also a list of separate insults. Some of them have been used numerous times.
Occasionally, a man will simply throw the word ‘fat’ at me (as if I was somehow oblivious), I guess trying to intimidate me with an incredible show of fierce intellect and wit.
We have gotten to a stage in this world where even pointing out that someone is fat is somehow enough of an insult to put no further effort in. In the case of my live-streaming message, the man simply sent through the words ‘you’re fat’.
There was nothing explicit and nothing sexual about it (as a lot of messages women receive are), just a straightforward expression. Still, it was undoubtedly intended to wound, just like all the ugly words directed at me from all of the incidents that I wrote down.
Scrutiny of, and comments about women’s bodies are relentless. If you have dared to gain weight or are a fat woman on top of that, the venom is palpable. Fat women are mocked, insulted and dehumanised at every level. Recently, the pop singer Pink responded to comments online regarding her body, after appearing in photos from a red carpet carrying slightly more weight than usual, saying:
“You’re referring to the pictures of me from last night’s cancer benefit that I attended to support my dear friend Dr Maggie DiNome. She was given the Duke Award for her tireless efforts and stellar contributions to the eradication of cancer.
But unfortunately, my weight seems much more important to some of you. While I admit that the dress didn’t photograph as well as it did in my kitchen, I will also admit that I felt very pretty. In fact, I feel beautiful.”
The kinds of fat-related insults directed towards women like her who are in no way fat, and the ones that have been focussed on me, are solely meant to tear women down.
This is especially so for those of us who have the nerve to actually be fat, and dare to inhabit a body that isn’t aesthetically pleasing to men. The insults are intended to destroy us. To annihilate our confidence, and make us feel like we don’t deserve to be treated with basic dignity.
These people feed from the brutal system already in place that allows for wider (no pun intended) discrimination of fat people in areas like medicine, fashion, and entertainment. I am certainly affected by this wider discrimination, but I no longer allow abusive comments about my weight to demean me.
When I was younger, I would take them on board and let them make me feel bad about myself. But now, it just makes me pity the person who is making a fool of themselves – a person who, by insulting a woman for no reason, exposes their desperate lack of humanity to the world.
I have learnt that nothing infuriates a man who would say such a thing more than a fat woman who dares to walk around and be confident and happy. Nothing slights them more than a fat woman who doesn’t shrink in embarrassment at their words, but who turns and stands tall and faces them and makes them feel embarrassed instead.
So I make sure to do these things consistently. Nothing a person can say about the way I look can hurt me, because in the act of insulting me, I already understand that their opinion is worthless.
And I would rather be fat than them.
