It seems like everyone is taking a deep breath before the resumption of parliament after the previous, awful, unedifying six or so years, bracing for the icy cold plunge.
And before they do, they are making one request; they’re asking the new opposition to please behave themselves. Tony Abbott and gang, of course, are suggesting that we will see a new, adult parliament, implying that any bad behaviour will thus be the responsibility of the ALP.
Many in the media are requesting that the parliamentary games the Liberals engaged in cease, that the relentless attacks slow, and we all act like adults. Andrew Wilkie, this morning on the ABC, was saying the same thing.
But I must ask, why?
I recently attended a conference called ‘Progress 2013′, it was an enormous two-day gathering of about 1,000 workers and volunteers in the environment, aid, homelessness, and various other ‘progressive’ sectors, coming together to share ideas, network and learn a bit.
I had my problems with the conference, but they aren’t worth getting into here. But there was one instance that bears raising, as it goes to precisely the same point being thrust into the ALP’s abdomen right now.
In a session with the august Robert Manne, a question was asked about the absence of a Bolt or Albrechtson for the progressive movement. A columnist who would be happily partisan, be willing to rile up their readers and create the kind of energy that helped unseat Gillard. Bolt and his ilk have spent a decade convincing the angry and disengaged that their traumas are the fault of ‘elites’ and ‘leftists’ so why not push back?
Manne’s response (and I paraphrase) spoke volumes. In essence, it was “Bolt and Albrechtson are highly effective, strong communicators who are winning the hearts and minds of their readers. And we should never lower ourselves to that level of obfuscation and mendacity.”
And I respond respectfully: why the hell not?
Why is it that the ALP are somehow expected to comport themselves as adults when they just had their arses handed to them by an opponent who was in no way constrained by any such niceties?
Why should progressive organisations insist on taking the high road when their opponents have no compunctions outright lying and distorting key facts in their own favour (great big tax on everything, anyone? Electricity tax?)?
It is not the obligation of those of ‘teh Left’ to uphold some arbitrary moral and intellectual standard while they get, frankly, beat up on by their opponents who face no such constraints. You’re losing by doing that. Every progressive issue is on the brink of being torn to shreds. So get angry and make hay.
It’s instructive about the moral universes these two political ‘sides’ exist in that it is viewed as ‘normal’ that conservative politicians behave in ways that would be considered ‘childish’ or ‘rude’ when their opposition does the same.
So I say to the ALP, get out there. Suspend standing orders at every opportunity. Dominate the debate by saying ridiculous things that get attention. Hurl invective. Pose in front of offensive banners. Rile up your base. Blame Abbott for every possible ill that befalls every beset Australian.
Don’t get sucked into this false paradigm that you are the better people. You’re not. You’re conniving, ambitious politicians who are more than happy to behave this way behind closed doors within your own party. Embrace your hatred. Be effective. Win.
This isn’t strictly speaking, an argument for endless derp in our political discourse. It would be great if we could get back to the days when Paul Keating was seen to be dragging the tone of parliament down (oh, how quaint that seems. Remember, too, when we thought the vitriol against Gillard would be handbags, earlobes and fruit bowls? Goodness), but it won’t happen until the Coalition get a taste of their own medicine and decide it tastes bad.
An old lecturer of mine told me once that if you put money in a Coke machine and it didn’t work, so you kicked it and got the Coke and the money back. The first thing you will do upon encountering a Coke machine is kick it. Until the coalition learn that they can’t throw rocks in opposition, then expect their opponents to grow up, we can simply expect more of the same.
So on this, the first day of the 44th parliament, I say to the new opposition, have at it, and get your mongrel on.
Ed Butler is a recovering economist and novelty blogger of the never-lamented Things Bogans Like. This article is an edited version and was originally published on AusOpinion.com.
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