Former Victoria Police commissioner Ken Lay fears it may take decades to change the attitude of unconsciously blaming the victims of family violence in Australia.
There is strong community support for ending family violence, thanks to high profile campaigners like Australian of the Year Rosie Batty.
But much more needs to be done, says Mr Lay, who chairs the federal government's family violence advisory committee.
"The deck is stacked against women," he said after a federal government report found victim blaming was firmly entrenched among Australians when discussing domestic violence.
Australians are taught from childhood to understate the severity of family violence and males escape blame, the report says.
Young men are taught to blame others for violence, while young women internalise the experience by blaming themselves, as in "I felt embarrassed, I felt ashamed," Mr Lay said on Wednesday.
He hopes this research will push people to think about the lessons they are unwittingly passing on to their kids.
Mr Lay took a swipe at leaders whose actions don't match their public statements about family violence.
"In public life, I've noticed a sort of blokey pomposity," he said.
"A desire to be seen as a community elder, but sometimes not matched in the desire to properly function as one.
"The result is often a thousand empty gestures, each removed from self-reflection and real influence."
At a White Ribbon Day event in Melbourne, Rosie Batty challenged men to reach out to their mates where they suspect domestic violence may be occurring.
Fire stations in Victoria also marked White Ribbon day, with CFA members gathering to commit to prevent men's violence against women.
The Islamic Council of Victoria also condemned all forms of violence, particularly that affecting women.
Ms Batty said the fight against domestic violence was only beginning but it was now on the same path as smoking, seen as a health hazard ignored for too long.
"I see this as a year where we have brought it out from behind closed doors into the daylight," she said.
Her son Luke was murdered by his father at a suburban Melbourne cricket oval in early 2014.
* National domestic violence helpline: 1800 737 732 or 1800RESPECT. In an emergency call triple-zero.
