Former Test spinner and shortform specialist Brad Hogg has revealed he considered taking his own life after his retirement from cricket and the breakdown of his marriage.
The West Australian, who was a key figure in Australia's World Cup triumphs in 2003 and 2007, says his surprise retirement in 2008 was driven by his desire to fix his marriage, which had been on the rocks for several years.
But his marriage soon ended in divorce and Hogg, who was working in an office job and drinking heavily, grew increasingly despondent.
"I parked my car at (Fremantle's) Port Beach and went for a walk," he writes in his new autobiography The Wrong 'Un.
"I'd stare at the sea and think, I could swim out to that groyne, and if I make it back, fine. If I don't make it back ... well, hard luck. I was prepared to let fate decide. I was in a really dark place.
"I did that Fremantle drive four times. And each time I thought about doing something really drastic.
"Thinking and doing are two completely different things, thankfully. Nonetheless, it was frightening that I was having these negative thoughts on a regular basis."
Hogg made himself a permanent fixture in Australia's one-day side in the latter stages of his career, taking 156 wickets and averaging 20.25 with the bat in 123 ODIs.
The 45-year-old's Test career was played out in the shadow of Shane Warne, with seven years between his debut in 1996 and his second match in the baggy green cap.
Hogg writes that he cried uncontrollably while fielding in his final Test against India in January 2008, having broken back into the side following Warne's retirement.
The left-arm chinaman bowler made a comeback through the Big Bash League in 2011-12 and earned a call-up to the Australian T20 side later that summer at the age of 40.
A fan favourite with the Perth Scorchers for five seasons, Hogg will play for the Melbourne Renegades this summer.
* The Wrong 'Un is out on Monday, published by Black Inc.
Readers seeking support and information about suicide prevention can contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467.
MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78.
Multicultural Mental Health Australia www.mmha.org.au.
Local Aboriginal Medical Service available from www.vibe.com.au.
