Former Australian Test cricket captain Michael Clarke says he should have retired after the death of Phillip Hughes to grieve properly for his teammate.
Clarke retired in August 2015 after the final Test of the Ashes series but said he shouldn't have played on for nine months after the sudden death of Hughes.
"I shouldn't have played another game. My career should have stopped then. It was too hard for me," Clarke told The Weekly Review.
"It took me a lot longer to grieve his loss than it should have, or that I would have liked.
"I didn't allow myself to grieve at the time because I had responsibility to his family, firstly, but then also as Australia's cricket captain to my teammates and getting us back out onto the field."
Clarke said that during Australia's six-week tour of the West Indies in June 2015 he cried himself to sleep each night.
Hughes died in November 2014 after being struck on the head by a bouncer during a Sheffield Shield match at the Sydney Cricket Ground. Clarke said after that he felt fear at the crease for the first time.
"My greatest strength as a small boy growing up and all through my career was that I was never scared," he said.
"The faster they bowled, the easier it would be to score. I liked batting without a helmet on occasions; they'd bowl at your head and I'd love playing the hook or the pull shot.
"Even if it was just my subconscious, when I lost one of my best mates playing the game that we love, I think my subconscious worked out that you can actually die playing this sport.
"Even if it was the smallest bit of fear, you can't play at the highest level like that."
Now a Nine Network commentator and father to two-year-old daughter Kelsey Lee, Clarke said he didn't miss playing cricket.
"As a sportsman and a husband I think I was very stuck in my ways and having a little girl has softened me a lot," he said.
"I wish we had her 10 years earlier because she's been the best thing for me."
