The gaucho is the legendary cowboy of the South American pampas - and today I'm going to learn how to become one.
I'm in Montevideo, Uruguay's capital, and heading out west 54 kilometres to the estancia (ranch) La Rabida, where I'm to learn the centuries-old art from the gauchos themselves. (I'm kidding myself that I'll master any of their amazing cattle-ranching skills - but at least I'll get a taste.)
In a country whose main export is cattle, the gaucho (translating as "orphan" in the ethnic Indian language because of the cowboys' solitary lifestyle) is prince of the pampas.
Their birthplace was the vast grasslands that make up Uruguay at about the same time the North American cowboys were creating the myth of the American wild west.
The 18th-century gauchos made a rough, tough living. They lived a nomadic life on the plains, eating livestock as necessary, and selling their cattle hides when they needed money for tobacco, rum and tea.
Traditionally, a gaucho had few possessions apart from a horse, saddle, poncho and distinctive knife, or facon. He wore it tucked into his ornate sash and leather belt, and used it for anything from slicing meat over a barbecue or skinning, castrating and fighting.
The gaucho still wears distinctive gaucho dress - bombachas, the roomy and pleated pants worn inside calf-high leather boots. Around his neck is a scarf and over his shoulder a thick poncho, used as a blanket at night or as a shield during a knife-fight. Today's gaucho also carries a mobile phone.
My gauchos run the 1200-hectare La Rabida ranch, a working farm that flanks the mighty Rio de la Plata at San Jose. We've travelled a four-lane highway through poor shanty towns and rich farmlands to reach the ranch, which has been in the same family for more than 80 years.
La Rabida carries 500 milking cows and 70 horses, some sheep, and crops wheat, barley, soybean, corn and sorghum. We pass ripening fields of the crops as we track ten kilometres off the main road into the ranch, escorted by flocks of green parrots.
First lesson: sheep-shearing. It should be a cinch, because I spent my youth on an Australian sheep station. But given a set of blade shears I fumble the lesson - even though the poor sheep has all four legs tied. Failure number one.
Our next assignment is to milk a cow. The La Rabida herd comprises a New Zealand strain of Holstein cattle which, says our host, has more protein and fat than the American Holstein and is more adaptable to the pampas grass.
The cow chosen for our milking lesson is certainly a contented one - she barely twitches at our vain attempts at squeezing milk from a teat. I crush a teat in my hand. Not a drop. Another failure.
Next lesson: using the bolas, the gauchos' unique rope-and-balls thrown to wrap around an animal's legs to bring it down. Three balls, of equal size and weight, are attached to a short length of rope. I try my hand and soon find it is easier to wrap it around myself than the would-be animal.
My gaucho teacher patiently tells me it takes years to master the art. Yet another failure.
Wisely, I'm not allowed to try riding one of the gaucho's lively stock horses. Instead, we are treated to a skilful demonstration of the amazing understanding between gaucho and his horse, a beautiful and lively Arab cross.
It is lunchtime and the hosts have prepared a traditional asado (barbecue).
For much of the morning, a wood-fired pit covered in steel mesh has been glowing hot. Now a mix of steaks, lamb, pork and chicken has been spread across the frame and a tantalising barbecue aroma drifts.
Uruguay offers a number of gaucho experiences over one or a few days. You can see or take part in farm chores and, like me, discover the unique work, gastronomy and folk music of the Uruguayan pampas.
I may not have earned a gaucho badge, but I certainly had a great time trying.
IF YOU GO
GETTING THERE: From Australia, LAN Chile has flights to Buenos Aires from $AUD1900, with connecting flights to Montevideo.
In Montevideo, get a map for a walking tour of the city or take a hop-on-hop-off bus for a good value, two-hour tour of the city (with an English-language commentary).
STAYING THERE: A popular budget hotel is the Hotel Iberia, with rooms starting at $US53 ($A56.47) per night. Bookings at www.hotels.com.
PLAYING THERE: More information: La Rabida runs visits from December to March. Contact La Rabida at www.larabida.com.uy.
* The writer travelled at his own expense
