Heath Shaw rarely sticks to a script but the Greater Western Sydney veteran made an exception on the eve of his 250th AFL game.
In a sport often guilty of taking itself too seriously and a league full of cookie-cutter stars wary of saying too much, Shaw stands out.
The 31-year-old is fiercely competitive on the field, as evidenced by the sprays he continues to direct at teammates and opponents.
But off the park he is a prankster, member of Collingwood's famed rat pack and someone always willing to speak his mind.
So Shaw decided to take the mickey out of himself on Wednesday instead of celebrating a decorated career that has featured a premiership, GWS best-and-fairest honours and two All-Australian gongs.
"I'd like to talk you through a few stats," Shaw started his press conference, reading from a prepared statement.
"I've missed 33 games since debuting in 2005, 17 of them through AFL or club suspensions.
"I've taken 3932 kicks in my career, a total of 58 of those have been on my left foot.
'I've taken 812 kick-outs, 91 per cent of them I've kicked to myself. I'm 23rd on the all-time list of most clangers, 868, and I've still got a few left in me.
"I've been best on ground on Mad Monday four times out of 13 - that's not a bad ratio as well."
All jokes aside, Shaw feels he has become a better footballer since being offloaded by the Magpies in 2013.
Collingwood had ran out of patience with Shaw, whose most public misdeed was lying about a drink-driving car accident in 2008, and put him on the trade table.
The change of scenery has helped, as was the case with brother Rhyce's career regeneration at Sydney.
"He's a big part of the reason I moved," Heath Shaw said.
GWS coach Leon Cameron has also played a part but Shaw feels the club's young guns deserve most of the credit.
"My game went to a new level and that's not because I was working any harder or doing anything different," Shaw said.
"I was feeding off this young group that we had and all the talent and hard work they had, it sort of made me want to get better and better."
Shaw wouldn't be drawn on when he is likely to retire but there is one milestone he'd dearly like to tick off.
"I've got to get to 313 games to beat Tony (uncle Tony Shaw) so that I'm No.1 in the family," he quipped.
"It's a long way away. We'll see how we go in the next 15 weeks, I'll get through there and go from that."
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