Survivors of the fatal Lindt Cafe siege in Sydney are struggling to come to terms with the harrowing ordeal, almost two months after the tragedy.
Cafe manager Tori Johnson, Sydney barrister Katrina Dawson and gunman Man Haron Monis died in the 16-hour siege, which shocked Australia and made world headlines.
A total of 18 hostages were taken in the terrifying event which unfolded in Martin Place in December last year.
Television networks Seven and Nine both aired special programs on Sunday night in which many of the surviving hostages were interviewed.
Joel Herat, 21, a Lindt Cafe worker, told the Nine Network he still thinks about whether he could have done more to save Mr Johnson.
"Could I have got him out, could I have done something. He was a dear friend and I left him to die," said Mr Herat, sobbing.
"I'm still coming to terms with it."
Jarrod Morton-Hoffman, 19, said he still couldn't believe Mr Johnson had not escaped the building.
"I just thought we were all going to be OK," the Lindt employee told Nine.
Paolo Vassallo, 36, said he sometimes wished that he, and not Mr Johnson, had perished.
"Other people died in there and we got out," Mr Vassallo said, choking back tears.
Seven's main interviewees included hostages Marcia Mikhael, 43, and John O'Brien, 82.
They also spoke to Lindt cafe workers Elly Chen, 22 and Bae Jie-un, 20, and hostages Viswakanth Ankireddy and Puspendu Ghosh.
For Nine, interviewees featured on the two-hour program included Mr Morton-Hoffman, Fiona Ma, Mr Herat and Mr Vassallo.
Harriette Denny, Selina Win Pe, Louisa Hope and her mother Robin Hope, are the other survivors appearing on Nine's special.
Nine reportedly paid around $1 million for their package, while Seven is said to have paid at least $400,000.
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