7 min read
'Absolutely terrified': How Judi's daunting travel moment reshaped her life
A mix of grief, fear and empowerment is driving more widowed women to travel alone. Experts say the shift speaks to how women navigate life after loss.
Published
Updated
By Alexandra Koster
Source: SBS News
Image: After Judi Tarn lost her husband Alan, she was terrified. But after an overseas solo trip, she came back feeling like a different woman. (Supplied / Judi Tarn)
Judi Tarn was halfway up a "treacherous" mountain trail in the French Alps when the grief hit with full force.
Her ankles were twisting on loose rock. Small creeks cut across the path. In the quiet air, she suddenly felt the absence of her husband, Alan, more sharply than she had in months.
"I really felt Alan with me there — I was going, 'What the hell, Alan? What am I doing here? I can't do this,'" the 69-year-old told SBS News.
For a moment, she thought about turning back. But instead, she spoke to him.
"I just kept going up the mountain saying, 'Get me through this'," she said. "It was hard. But I did feel that Alan was with me, encouraging me and going, 'This is fantastic. You're doing well.'"
It was the kind of moment she could have never predicted when Alan died this year — and she found herself navigating life, and eventually travel, without him.
'I was absolutely terrified'
The couple had been married for 45 years. Travelling was central to their lives together; they cycled across Europe, backpacked through Vietnam, and travelled through France and Spain.
"We did a lot of cycling together," Tarn said. "It was our thing."
After he passed, she filled journal pages with thoughts she couldn't say out loud. On one page, she wrote: "I want to go on a really good holiday in a lovely place."
Soon after, she heard about a singing-and-walking tour in the French Alps and knew that was it. She had travelled solo before, but this would be her first trip by herself since Alan passed.
Judi Tarn and Alan shared 45 years of marriage, with travel at the heart of their life together. Source: Supplied / Judi Tarn
That fear started to dissipate when she finally arrived in Lyon, the third-largest city in France, after over 24 hours of travel. She sat in a cafe, ordered a meal in French, and was alone for the first time in decades.
"It was confirmation of the fact that I could do this," she said.
"I live on my own. I've got a lot of stuff going on. I might as well be lonely in France.
"My eyes were all filled with tears and I really wanted to cry because I was so proud of myself and I was just going, 'You go girl'. If I had a mirror, I would have high-fived myself in it.
"Travel is fantastic. You shouldn't go just because you're going to be on your own."
Why more older women are travelling on their own
This trend of older, bereaved, or newly single women travelling solo isn't unique to Tarn.
Brett Mitchell, managing director Australia and New Zealand at Intrepid Travel, said the company has seen a 21 per cent year-on-year jump in travellers aged over 50 choosing to travel alone.
"It reflects a growing trend of older women looking for meaningful travel experiences, and they're turning to small-group trips as a safe and supportive way to explore the world on their own terms with other like-minded travellers," Mitchell told SBS News.
Two-thirds of travellers on Intrepid's women's expeditions are solo. Morocco is the most popular destination for older solo women.
"It's an incredibly rewarding place to visit, but it can also be challenging to navigate independently, from language barriers to busy medinas and complex transport," he said.
"Destinations like Morocco resonate with group travel because they offer a sense of adventure without sacrificing comfort or safety."
Safety is the number one concern Mitchell hears from older women.
"Senior solo female travellers often place greater emphasis on feeling safe, having dependable logistics, and knowing support is available if something doesn't go to plan," he said.
Carolyn Ray, CEO of JourneyWoman, a global resource hub for solo women travellers, said bereaved women are a huge and overlooked demographic.
"This is one of the biggest trends in travel that has largely been ignored," she told SBS News.
The emotional whiplash of travelling after loss
Melbourne-based psychologist Carly Dober said travel can be profoundly therapeutic for grieving women — but emotionally complex.
"[Widowed travellers] might experience joy and excitement that they're able to still travel and see places at their own pace," Dober told SBS News.
"But they might feel deep sorrow their partner isn't there to enjoy it with them … and might experience some loneliness."
"Grief can feel weird sometimes, and there are a lot of ups and downs on the rollercoaster. You may feel quite lonely — lonelier than you thought," Dober said.
A 2025 study by Monash University found loneliness is the most significant challenge for widowed people, describing it as "common and potentially unavoidable". Another study published in The Journals of Gerontology found widowed women experienced a two-fold increase in loneliness in the first year.
Dober said instead of pushing grief away, travel can create small, healthy moments of connection with the person you've lost.
"You can keep your deceased spouse alive in your mind," she said. "If you see a beautiful cafe that your deceased loved one would have loved — go there. Speak out loud to them. Don't bottle it up."
There are more women like Judi Tarn, with data from Intrepid Travel showing a 21 per cent jump year on year in travellers aged 50+ choosing to travel alone. Source: Supplied / Judi Tarn
"I can almost feel as if he's pedalling along behind me, going, 'Look at this – isn't it wonderful?'," she said.
'It made me feel like an Amazon'
While Tarn's trip had moments that knocked her sideways emotionally, she said those five weeks alone changed her sense of what is possible.
"It made me feel like an Amazon," she said. "It just made me think: I can do anything now. It made me feel different when I got back."
Mitchell said this transformation is common.
"Many women in this age group describe solo travel as a personal milestone," he said. "Some want the space to rediscover their independence or pursue interests they've long put off."
Research shows solo travel can boost feelings of freedom, self-development, and contentment. For widowed women, Dober said the effect can be even more powerful.
"There can be a sense of achievement and self-sufficiency when older women realise that they can do this on their own — and have enjoyable moments on their own, too," she said.
It just made me think: I can do anything now. It made me feel different when I got back.Judi Tarn, solo traveller
'There's still life to be lived'
Tarn isn't sure exactly what trip comes next — but she's certain there will be one.
"Life does go on," she said. "I just felt like I can do anything now. And I've got to do it because at 69, I could drop dead at any minute."
She hopes other widowed women know that strength can return in unexpected ways.
"There's still life to be lived," she said. "You've got to honour that person by living your life in the best way possible."
"I feel as though I've got to live my life on the double because Alan couldn't live his life."
And what would Alan think of her newfound independence?
"He'd be so proud of me. He was my biggest champion."
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