In our never-ending search for cheerful news, today we note that Donald Trump’s nominee for attorney general says the Mueller probe is not a “witch hunt.”
On the downside, William Barr doesn’t seem to think the final Mueller report on Trump’s Russia ties should be made public. While the innate leakiness of Washington will overcome this problem, it’s still a bad attitude. We’ve been waiting so long for that report to actually come out, we’re in danger of forgetting everything Robert Mueller was supposed to investigate.
So let’s try to get back up to speed on all things Russia. Well, some. Pick the right answer (and check at the bottom of the page):
1. The Trump World Tower Moscow is ...
A) Donald’s longtime dream project, which would definitely have required the support of Putin insiders.
B) Site of the low-budget Russian reality show “Celebrity Apprentice Bellhop.”
C) New Monopoly game piece.
2. Michael Cohen is ...
A) Creator of the brand-new government “Go Fund Everybody” site.
B) Trump lawyer who says he was still negotiating with the Russians on a hotel deal during the presidential campaign.
C) Former aide the president recently called a “silly little turtle” on Fox.
3. Dmitry Peskov is ...
A) Putin press secretary who talked with Michael Cohen about getting Russian government support for Trump World Tower Moscow.
B) Putin press secretary who, to celebrate his wedding, wore a $620,000 gold-skull watch that critics said was worth more than four times his annual salary.
C) Both.
4. Paul Manafort is ...
A) Trump fashion coordinator.
B) Former Trump horse trainer who quit when Donald made his colt run with a sore leg.
C) Former Trump campaign chairman who had a very extensive history of lobbying for pro-Russian autocrats.
5. Manafort seems to have shared campaign polling data with the Russians. His lawyers say he didn’t mention that to federal investigators because ...
A) He wanted to save the story for his Netflix biopic.
B) It wasn’t the sort of thing he’d remember.
C) The Russians assured him they’d bring it to the attention of all the proper authorities.
6. After the Republican nominating convention, Trump said he wished Russia would find Hillary Clinton’s missing emails. That day ...
A) Things went on pretty much as usual.
B) Trump apologized and said that even for a joke, it was in bad taste.
C) The Russians attempted to break into Clinton’s personal email servers.
7. “Somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds” ...
A) Christian Bale’s description of his next transformative part in a potential Oscar-winning movie.
B) Donald Trump’s theory about who might have been hacking Democratic campaign servers.
C) Physician’s warning about where Trump will be if he doesn’t give up his late-night snacking.
8. Natalia Veselnitskaya ...
A) Won Eurovision Song Contest with her hit “The Donald Made Me Do It.”
B) Russian lawyer who met with Donald Jr., Jared and Manafort after promising “very high level and sensitive information” about Hillary Clinton.
C) Melania’s tennis partner at Mar-a-Lago.
9. A “nothingburger” is ...
A) Special meal served to Clemson football team at the White House.
B) Administration description of Donald Jr.'s meeting with the Russian lawyer who promised dirt on Hillary Clinton.
C) Proposed menu item for the restaurant in Trump World Tower Moscow.
10. Sergey Kislyak is ...
A) Former Russian ambassador to U.S. who talked with former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn about opening a back channel to Moscow.
B) Well-known professional wrestling star who appears on stage wearing a wolf-pelt coat.
C) Kremlin artist who created the popular picture of a bare-chested Vladimir Putin scoring a hockey goal with an eagle on his shoulder.
11. Dmitry Klokov is ...
A) A Russian athlete who once starred in “Celebrity Weight Lifter Apprentice.”
B) The guy who reportedly told Ivanka he would introduce her father to Putin to help get that hotel deal done.
C) Villain in next “Mission: Impossible” sequel.
12. George Papadopoulos is ...
A) Host of ABC’s Sunday morning news show.
B) Member of the Congressional Problem Solvers caucus.
C) Foreign policy adviser to Trump campaign who tried to arrange a meeting between Team Trump and Putin people.
13. We worry about Trump’s relationship with Putin because the five times they’ve met ...
A) The president insisted on calling Putin “Vlad-arino.”
B) The president grabbed all the notes of their conversations and swallowed them.
C) Trump frequently behaved more like a smitten suitor than a head of state.
Answers: 1-A, 2-B, 3-C, 4-C, 5-B, 6-C, 7-B, 8-B, 9-B, 10-A, 11-B, 12-C, 13-C
