Widowed in my 60’s after 30 years of marriage, but deciding to date again at 71? What was I thinking? Well, I wasn’t really thinking … I was feeling.
It started in March 2011, when I found myself at a Heart Intelligence Retreat in the UK with tears rolling down both cheeks as I watched a participant dance sensually.
But why the tears? I realised with a shock I had never experienced such sensuality – and I wanted to! Despite my conservative religious upbringing, which had suppressed my own sexual expression for 50 years, I wanted to dance sensually in front of one of the male participants at the retreat. I was appalled, however the pull was so strong that – despite the shame, fear and panic – I found the courage to ask for a volunteer.
My heart was in my mouth … until every male hand in the room shot up!
I felt for the first time in my life I had pulling power, and realised the sensual was a magnet for the masculine. So I placed ALL the men in a circle and danced my heart out as sensually as I could muster, flirting outrageously.
Something inside me broke that day and I felt a freedom to be myself I had never experienced before, and discovered my strong libido.
This led to training in the embodiment practices of the Art of Feminine Presence and in 2012 I started teaching workshops to help women become more feminine and sensual.
It was not until I was 71 that the pull to find expression for erotic sensuality reared her beautiful head once more – through dating.
This brought up issues – where could I meet such a man? At my age?
Even though I felt emotionally ready, what about the physical sexuality of my post-menopausal body? Had it closed down? Was it even capable of responding to erotic touch, let alone love-making?
I decided I would NOT go online – that was a bit too scary, given the horror stories I’d heard. As an old fashioned girl, I wanted to meet someone in the course of daily life, which happened. I was then confronted with the reality that he wanted sex only, with NO traditional dating – just dinner and bed at his place or mine.
This was certainly NOT what my rose coloured glasses had anticipated! But my practical mind reasoned it would be a way to discover if my body was capable? So dinner at his place resulted, with me feeling like a naughty teen about to be seduced. But I discovered my body had closed down physically. I felt like a dried-up prune.
My GP referred me to a specialist who prescribed oestrogen cream, to be applied internally for 2 weeks. Religiously I followed. On the 10th day my breasts swelled up – by the 12th day my nipples were standing to attention! It worked beautifully – my body was all juiced up – but not for dating experience. Blood pressure medication contributed to ED (Erectile Dysfunction) for man number one and he was unable to satisfy me.
At that point I realised I hadn’t been specific enough about the kind of man I wanted. So I listed his qualities – masculine, sexy, fun, independent, a non-smoker and tall would be great too!
At age 73 life brought me the man I desired, so I gave myself permission to ‘fall in lust’ with him. He opened me up to more ecstatic intimacy than I’d dreamed possible. In time I realised our relationship would finish because our attitudes were so different, but I enjoyed this ‘friends with benefits’ relationship for a while.
This year I decided I wanted both love and sensual intimacy, and life responded.
In July the first man I had ever been attracted to as a widow six years ago (when it was too early emotionally for me) contacted me. I was delighted, as I still felt that same chemistry – and discovered it had been completely mutual!
Andrew is 18 years younger than me – despite the age difference we both want that same thing.
Over the last two months we have created a deep friendship based on mutual respect and values. More recently we have stepped into a precious relationship that truly transcends time and have become passionate lovers.
So from living a life of ‘quiet desperation’, I am now living the fairy tale happy ending.
All this experience has propelled me into now working with women over 50 who want to meet a quality man, without the need to go online or to bars. And the ‘secret ingredient’? To reconnect with themselves, and their own strong feminine and sensual hearts and bodies. This is the shortcut to success!
