I was two years old when my mother and I got out of prison along with my sister who was also born behind bars. I don’t remember most of my time in jail as I was very young but I do remember going out to ‘free society’ when family would come to visit mum.
My parents made a mistake, I forgive them for it but I do not forget that the mistakes were made. I have in times of anger resented my parents for it, mainly for the fact that it sets me apart from everyone else and comes with a prejudice that I too must be bad. Time has helped me forgive them and I know they are different people now and they both were punished for what they did. It’s a thing in their past.
But their incarceration has had a long-term effect on them and the whole family. I have to live for the rest of my life with the memory of them being in prison. They both have found it hard to find jobs to support us, and themselves, since they were released.
A different upbringing
My parents got divorced after they were released from prison so I have been living with my mother. I would have loved to have them both living with us under the same roof. Now I rarely get to see my dad who lives interstate.
When I turned 10, I realised my parents were very different to other parents and that my upbringing was unusual.
At first I was very open about my past, about where I was born and my parents’ imprisonment. After my grandma found out about my openness she advised me to be more conservative about who and what I tell people. I guess she was aware about the stigma attached to being the son of former prisoners. It’s not the norm, it’s considered shameful and taboo to have a parent or two parents who went to prison.
From that point on I tried to keep this a secret. The knowledge of the fact became rather burdensome on me.
Not being able to share with people my story made the story become sort of a dirty secret to be kept within the family. I remember my mother would refer to her imprisonment as when she was “in the farm.” We would all use terms such as “the farm” and “camp” to describe prison.
Some of my close mates at school knew about my past and my situation. That helped and I never faced any challenges from them. But words travel within the school setting and I remember I was bullied once by a kid who had heard about my parent’s imprisonment. In Year 8 science class this particular student said “at least my mum isn’t a criminal”. Of course I got really angry at this and at first hurled my own insults at him before reporting it to the deputy.
At times I have struggled with my temper. I have talked back to teachers and gotten frustrated when I have felt that I haven’t been listened to and there have been occasions where I was given detentions for misbehaviour. But I never want to get involved with other kids physically, it’s mostly arguing and if I know something is not right I make sure people know about it. I made sure I reported any bullying or harassment I faced from other students.
Creating a different future
But I am mindful that in some cases the cycle of crime can repeat itself and children can follow their parents’ footsteps. As they say 'the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.' But in my case I would like to think that the apple has fallen very far .
So rather than feeling sorry for myself and feeling the shame of being the child of former inmates I use my background as a motivation to do well in life . I know what can happen sometimes when you’re not trying to do well in life.
I am lucky that my circumstances did not impact my grades so I worked hard to get a good ATAR and hopefully I can become a criminal defence lawyer. There are many people that need representation in the court system and due to the lack of funds, they cannot get the justice they deserve. If I can help some people to get that justice that would be great. They system can sometimes misunderstand people and I think I may have a better understanding of why people would do the things they do. I believe people deserve a fair go. I have witnessed firsthand the struggle of former prisoners who try and move back into society.
My dad still struggles and my mum has struggled in the past to find a job because of her criminal record. I can remember my mum saying once “I can’t even get a job at Woolworths”. It’s really sad and I wish it was different.
Of course I feel bad for both of them and I also feel embarrassed. But I don’t want it to consume me. Being born in prison and being the child of former inmates is part of my story, it’s not my whole story and it’s not my identity. I think determination, resilience and experience defines me best. I hope society also sees it in the same way as I see it and not judge me through the lenses of my parents’ mistakes.
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