I am not willing to settle for “good enough” or “second best”. I am choosing to be a single parent because I believe I have the competence, the resources and the stamina to do it and do it well.
Now just to reassure you here, I am not delusional. I am absolutely aware there will be struggles. I will make choices and feel guilty about them, I will be tired getting up to a crying baby all night long and I will be surprised by just how hard it all is.
Do these struggles make me any different to a woman who is having a baby with a partner? Because from my observation, partnered women seem to experience all these struggles too.
A married friend told me about six months after her first baby was born that she wished she was a single parent because her husband was “so annoying and has absolutely no drive or instinct”. She felt it was more challenging looking after him than the actual baby.
Another friend told me, while we were watching her 18 month old play, that her partner had not changed one single nappy since their daughter was born. I was astonished.
Now let me be clear – I know this does not describe all men. I have plenty of male friends who change countless nappies all day and are not only brilliant hands on dads but also loving supports to the mums.
I am always happier when I am single.
I don’t feel the need to find one of these men right now. I love being single, I am always happier when I am single.
I did want to partner up, as most of us do. I aspired to find “the one”. But for years I would find myself in relationships with sub-standard people who would take me for granted and treat me like an object to be used and abused.
But I’m certainly not closed off to meeting “the one”. I actually feel very excited at the prospect of this happening at any stage in my life and I have all the patience in the world to wait for this. However, my biological clock will not wait! Does this mean I have to miss out on motherhood? No way!
There will be people out there who think that what I’m doing is wrong and that all children should have a mother and a father. To those people I want to assure you that having two parents does not guarantee a happy well-adjusted child.
My mother is a child of a single mother and growing up she experienced unconditional love and support. My grandmother worked extremely hard and lived through all the stigma of the 1950s being an “unmarried mum”. She managed to raise a brilliant and loving daughter who went on to establish a comfortable life and successful career. These women give me the strength and confidence to map out a thriving life not only for myself, but as a mother too.
Not everyone will understand or even approve of my journey. It’s really not for them to judge me, they shouldn’t presume to know my circumstances just as I shouldn’t presume to know theirs. They have a measure of success for their lives but that measure does not apply to everyone.
I can promise that I will do whatever it takes to make sure my child is always loved, raised well and provided with absolutely all they will ever need to live and flourish in this world.
I welcome the positive and supportive thoughts and comments from anyone out there who would like to follow my journey via Twitter @carriescm.
Carrie Cooper-Moore is a guest on this week's Insight, which looks at why more Australians are choosing to become solo parents | Catch up on the show here.
