A father in the US recently uploaded a video of his son running to school in the rain. It went viral after the dad revealed it was punishment. His son had been kicked off the school bus for bullying.
Dr Marilyn Campbell, a professor at Queensland University of Technology, specialises in educational counselling and bullying.
She says the father’s reaction shows he doesn't condone the behaviour, but questions how successful his approach is.
There are two types of bullying
Dr Campbell says there are children who will bully once, drawn in by their peers.
“All kids try behaviours, that’s how you learn…that’s what searching for your identity, growing up and learning social relationships is all about,” she says.
But it’s the children who show persistent bullying behaviour that is more concerning.
Bullying behaviour typically starts in high school, a national study showed. Photo: pixabay Source: Pixabay
Changing the behaviour
There is no one size fits all approach, but Dr Campbell says it’s important for parents to acknowledge the behaviour and work towards changing it.
She advises sitting down and having a conversation with the child to find out why they are behaving that way.
Some questions she advises asking the child are;
- Tell me about what happened.
- Tell me about what you were thinking when you were doing this.
- Tell me about if you realised what kind of harmful effect you were having on the other person?
- Do you care about the harmful effect you could be having?
- Did you mean to hurt them?
- Did that make you feel good?
- Did it make you feel more powerful if you were hurting someone else?
- Were you just joining in with other kids and not thinking about it?
“I know it sounds inconsequential just to talk, but by talking that’s the way you can understand what the motive was,” she says.
Dr Campbell says these questions can then help the parent assist the child in finding other ways to have fun, if that was the motive, or show them how to use their leadership qualities in more appropriate ways.
She also believes schools need to get school counsellors working with not only the victim, but also the child who bullied, to help change their behaviour. She again noted that a punishment style approach from the school, such as suspension, doesn’t always work towards bringing about change.
...It's about talking and modelling good relationships, respectful relationships, online and offline,"
Prevention
There is also a way to help prevent your child from bullying - and it starts at home.
For children who are persistently bullying Dr Campbell suggests that behaviour is often learnt at home from parents.
"If I found out that my child was persistently bullying then I really have to look at my own behaviour and why and it's about talking and modelling good relationships, respectful relationships, online and offline," she says.
Dr Campbell also points to a national study which showed that the transition from primary school to high school is when some children will start displaying bullying behaviour.
She says every parent needs to talk to their child about how they can navigate the new environment and make friends in a respectful way.
