I was 14 when I had my first contact with my biological father Gerry via phone, and despite the cancellation of a trip when I was 17, I later flew to Dubai and met him for the first time when I was 30 in 2010. It was a very emotional experience, where we bonded, and I had hopes of a new relationship.
However this was not the case. Despite my repeated efforts to connect with Gerry, I visited him one more time in 2015, the relationship has never progressed past Facebook Messenger conversations and the occasional call.
In 2017, I applied for a television program that took every day Australians through a process of reconnection with a person they had become estranged with. The show, Look Me in the Eye on SBS, brought the estranged people together face to face and asked them to maintain eye contact to re-connect.
[videocard video="1056430147778"]
My mum had died just before that last trip in 2015, and even though it had been a few years, I was now feeling even more isolated and wanted to have my Dad in my life, properly. This TV show was my opportunity to tell him this in person. I certainly wasn’t getting anywhere via Facebook.
Gerry flew out from Dubai to do the show with me in January and again, reconnecting was emotional. It wasn’t in the final footage, but I cried before even I laid eyes on him, simply just hearing him walk in. I think I’d talked myself out of it being such a “big deal” so it hit me pretty hard.
We sat down and stared at each other. We both had tears and smiles. It was nice to see that face again. We are so alike. Staring was intense - I am quite sure he saw how much I cared for him and wanted him to be closer to our family in Australia.
Afterwards, we had the opportunity to speak. I think Gerry expected me to express anger and disappointment at the lack of contact, but I felt quite resolved at the time, and simply asked to forget the past and try to make a new way forward. He agreed. He also expressed to me that my step father had actually not allowed him to see me - something I had no idea about.
Directly after the show, Gerry flew down to Geelong and spent a week with me, my husband Dan and my two kids Kai (13) and Alizienne (9). We had a wonderful time filled with dinners out and a few too many wines. My kids and husband got to meet Gerry, and he happened to be able to visit his sister shortly before her husband passed away from cancer, so the trip and time was invaluable.
Jac is disappointed the communication with her dad hasn't improved. Photo: Insight Source: Insight
However nothing substantial was really discussed and he left with a loose plan to “come back for his 60th”. I have since been in touch with him every now and then via Facebook Messenger, but really, it’s gone back to the level of communication we had before.
I’m concerned about what happens when he gets sick in Dubai with no family around him - a topic he seems quite keen to avoid. I can only hope now the time with us has left an impression of some sort, that he's got a family here when he's ready in Australia.
