Santa Claus and his companions look very different depending on what part of the world they’re in. And once you step outside of what you know, the customs can feel strange. There’s the half-demon, half-goat Krampus, who whips bad kids in Central Europe or the Icelandic elves who leave rotten potatoes in their shoes. There’s Grandfather Frost and his sidekick snow maiden in Russia (he traditionally kidnaps naughty children), a Buddist monk in Japan with eyes at the back of his head and an incredibly controversial Santa’s helper called Black Pete, in the Netherlands.
But no matter where you look in the western world at least, “Santa” is usually monitoring children for reward or punishment.
So - without Grinching it - let’s look at what believing in Santa means for behaviour modification, lying and imagination.
Santa as a behaviour modification tool
Santa sees you when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake. That is a “deeply uncomfortable feeling”, according to therapist and Spooky Psychology podcast co-host Megan Baker.
“That sounds like such a creepy thing to tell a child, [that] Santa is watching you,” she said.
But that’s what’s used to motivate kids to be good, lest they get coal instead of toys. And do we want kids to behave purely to get a present and praise from a fat man in a red suit?
“I think it means so much more when your kid is doing something good out of respect for you, [rather] than something that’s threat based,” fellow therapist and Spooky Psychology co-host Lauren Mollica said.
Both say even if children are motivated to be on their best behaviour, it’s temporary, especially when they realise they won’t actually get coal for misbehaving.
But Santa’s seasonal surveillance now goes a step further, with his Elf on the Shelf. If you’re not familiar with the Elf, it’s a recent trend involving an elf doll placed around the house, that watches kids around the clock, reports back to Santa at night and is found in a new and questionable position the next morning.
It’s a bit of fun. Or added pressure on parents to play into a “Pinterest Christmas,” according to therapist Megan Baker. Or from a moral philosopher’s point of view, basically, a security camera that’s “expanding the Santa story in the wrong direction.”
“Observation is itself a form of control that when you feel like you are being watched, it really curtails the ways in which you feel like you can behave freely,” Dr Matt Beard from The Ethics Centre said.
He says that’s something we should be aware of when it comes to children, who need an environment in which they can explore and experiment without judgment.
So how far should the lies go to keep up the facade? Is lie even the right word?
Lying to children about Santa
We go to extreme lengths to keep up appearances. And the more you commit, the harder the truth can hit.
“We tell our kids that they shouldn't tell lies, and yet we rationalise and vigorously defend these kinds of lies,” Dr Beard said.
Whether you tell them or not, kids catch on eventually either by accident, investigation or by sensing a moral injustice.
Psychologist Dr Chris Boyle from the University of Exeter surveys people around the world about discovering the Santa truth and says many picked up on the inequity as children.
“If Santa’s giving presents to everyone around the world, why is he giving less to that boy or girl down the street whose parents don't have a job?,” he asks.
Dr Boyle co-authored an essay about how the Santa lie can undermine trust. And he says when children get to a certain age and start to ask specifically, it’s best to let it go gently and tell the truth.
“Magic seems to be important, believing in...something a bit better seems to be good….especially with this COVID year,” he said.
Santa sparking imagination
Santa does bring so much magic. The jolly man with his flying reindeers who poop on the driveway creates so many memories. Does telling the truth really mean spoiling that?
According to Dr Matt Beard, no. He has two small kids and also presents the ABC’s ethics podcast for children, Short & Curly.
“We make it seem as though it's an ‘either or’, where we can buy that lie and the mystery and the magic, or we can have cold, hard, boring reality,” he said.
But Dr Beard says there is an in-between. His own four year old knows Santa's not real, but loves the story and takes part in the magic in spite of that.
“If something has to be real in order for it to matter to you, I think that that's short-cutting imagination rather than expanding imagination,” Dr Beard said.
He says a lot of parents struggle to be okay with that approach. But there are so many ways to make memories at Christmas, according to Megan Baker from Spooky Psychology.
“I think that's up to every family to decide for themselves if Santa is worth it or not,” she said.
Imagination aside, Spooky Psychology co-host Lauren Mollica says there’s more to Santa than the fact he’s made up.
“Santa really can be the spirit of giving and generosity,” she said.
The Verdict
Santa doesn’t have to be a literal living being to bring magic. Kids can believe he is but they can also be told the truth when they ask.
That truth doesn’t have to isolate them from a culture they can’t really escape. And if Santa’s not the only reason your kids decide to be good, if he creates memories and if he teaches just as much about giving as receiving, then Santa’s alright.
