Today I’m no longer ashamed to say out loud, “I’m addicted to food.”
Years of therapy have proven that I wasn’t all that psychologically deranged after all.
Basically, food addiction is a combination of a physical compulsion and mental obsession with food that drives you to eat against your will – and it consumes your every waking thought… and your dreams, for that matter.
I spent 20 years bingeing on sugary, fatty and salty foods. But I was never overweight because after a day of bingeing, I’d starve myself or over exercise or take laxatives. I was so ashamed. I never told my family or friends about it. My boyfriend broke up with me at the time when it was really bad. I only reached out for help when I didn’t think I could feel any worse about myself.
I saw so many therapists and discussed so many problems, but none of them diagnosed that I was addicted to food. It was only when I came across a 12-step group for people who struggle with eating that I could name my problem and learn how to cope with it. This was an incredible relief.
It’s vital for me to maintain a network of fellow food addicts because we are the only people who truly understand each other. The friendships I’ve formed with other food addicts are deeper than any other friendships. We just get each other. Food addiction is a life or death matter and when you go through its ups and downs together, that bonds.
The lowest point was not the day I took biscuits out of the rubbish to finish them off [...]
The lowest point was not the day I took biscuits out of the rubbish to finish them off half-an-hour after having thrown them out swearing to never eat biscuits again. And it wasn’t the day that I had to go to hospital with a fecal impaction caused by bingeing on raw vegetables for days on end.
My lowest point was the end of an average day – a day spent agonizing over whether to put grains back into my diet. When you think about how much time and energy you’ve wasted thinking about that kind of thing, it makes you feel hopeless.
Addiction is progressive. If left untreated, food addiction will kill you as a result of the consequences of obesity – diabetes, heart disease, fatty liver disease. For me, I had to seek help because my mental health was deteriorating. I was genuinely worried that I was going to lose my sanity.
That was eight years ago. But just like gambling and drinking: once an addict, always an addict. The road to recovery was not willpower – it was the opposite route – I had to accept I was totally powerlessness over food.
These days I eat to a food plan. Three weighed meals, no sugar, no flour. Being exact in following my food plan is an act of spiritual surrender and it limits the decisions I have to make about what I eat. And I don’t let myself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Stressed (HALTS).
I don’t let myself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Stressed (HALTS).
Eating the way I do might seem extreme. You know what’s actually extreme? Obesity-related health problems in Australia. Two in three Australians are overweight or obese. 1.7 million Australians have diabetes. 320,000 of them have diabetic foot disease.
Addiction has complex causes. For me, there were elements of nature and nurture at play from an early age. But in a world where processed foods are manufactured to be addictive, I see more and more people struggle with addictive eating. This makes me think ‘Could it be that more of us are addicted to food than we care to admit?’
I am convinced that food addiction plays a much larger role in obesity than the health sector appreciates. Not all obese people are addicted to food, but when I see an obese person struggling to get on the bus I want to say ‘You’re not alone’.
What brings me the most joy in life is raising awareness of food addiction and helping fellow food addicts through coaching and counseling.
Hear more from Vanessa and others living with food addiction in this video:
If you'd like more information about or support with food addiction, these resources might be helpful:
