Nothing says “I know you’re a lying scumbag” quite like cheat’s laksa. Made from all the usual suspects – prawns, tofu puffs, coconut cream and egg noodles – plus commercial laksa paste, it’s a quick and delicious way to end things. For extra kicks, lace your lover’s bowl with chilli and watch them sweat.
Smooth out your anger with a meringue-smashing session and create an Eton mess. Usually layered with fruit and cream, this version from Feast takes a different (read: banoffee) approach, favouring banana, almond and dulce de leche.
For an impressive twist on bolognese, try O Tama Carey’s chicken heart and tomato ragù with Red Desiree gnocchi. When making the potato pillows and/or splitting with your spouse, remember Tama’s advice: “Show no fear”.
To prevent a heated argument from occurring, turn to Chengdu-style pork spare ribs. Hailing from the Sichuan province, this tongue-numbing dish is heaving with chillies and Sichuan peppercorns. Via Feast
This simple som tam from Adam Liaw features dried shrimp, cherry tomatoes, roasted peanuts and green or snake beans. For separation purposes, stick with the latter.
If you’re looking for the perfect “summer separation” dish, try Matthew Evans’ barbecued lamb with zucchini, mint and feta salad. It’s a simple, yet satisfying, decision that won’t leave you with a smidgen of regret. Via Feast
Made from nutmeg, cinnamon, peppercorns and allspice, jerk marinade lends itself to poultry, meat and seafood. Here we’ve served it with pork chops, sweet potato salad and a few cutting remarks. Via Spice Trip
Feel like you’ve nothing left to give? Put the point across by serving bone marrow. Here The seasonal cook pairs the roasted offal with porcini butter, chestnut mushrooms and chargrilled toast.
Stuffed with shiitake mushrooms, rice and Chinese red sausages, then sealed in a salt dough crust, beggar’s chicken is succulent and bang-on in the flavour stakes. You’ll need to break the crust with a hammer. If you’d like to create a spectacle, do this in front of your dinner guest. Via Feast
This Jewish dish from Feast was originally made with goose livers, but beef and chicken work just as well. The mix of eggs, onion, parsley and chopped liver makes for a lovely break-up starter. In other words, give ‘em the schmalz (poultry fat), then tell ‘em to waltz.
A clever way to prevent protests or pleas is to announce “I’m breaking up with you” while carving Peruvian-style chicken. Serve the marinated meat with a cold beverage and plenty of sob-sating bread.
12. “Let’s make like a banana…”
Pack a punch (and pun) with the pièce de résistance of break-up desserts, the formidable banana split. Peter Kuruvita’s adults-only version combines traditional banana and ice-cream with jackfruit, peanut toffee and a mulled wine reduction.
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